Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Hypocritical? Or misunderstood?

Let's set some facts straight before I ask this question.



I am a Christian, but I do not belong to any denomination. My father is Jewish, as are a lot of my ancestors (my great-grandfather was a rabbi). As such, I abhore religious persecution and feel religious freedom is a good idea. Why the apparent discrepancy?



Let's just say: having someone discriminate against you for your parents' religion... isn't fun. I learned my lesson, and I try like hell to keep from hating folks. I'm not a fan of the institution of church, because it has become more of a business and political atmosphere than a place of worship.



I also don't know the answer to this next question, as it can be argued both directions. I'm asking it because it struck me as topical.



I didn't write this quote, but it came from a blog I frequent.



..........................................


"Christianity is a hypocritical idea, they preach love and practice hate. How can anyone babble on and on about "love thy neighbor" and bash someone just because they love another member of the same sex?"


..........................................



Let's look at some Bible verses I found, to see if there is any validity to this point.



Romans 1:26-27


"For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. "

Leviticus 18:22


"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination."



I Corinthians 6:9


"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind."




End of story, right? Well, I don't think so. All right, I'm going to possibly step on some toes. However, I really don't care... I'm more curious of getting the answer.



Is the Bible 100% inerrant?



It was indeed written in a pre-scientific age, where slavery, genocide, mass murder, and the oppression of women were completely acceptable. Also, the authors may or may not have awareness of sexual orientation, since its scientific study didn't begin until 1950 CE. Furthermore, how many translations of the Bible are there? What about the Book of Enoch? Are we really sure everything's the same... and what's real and what's not?


However, Christianity was a revolutionary idea in its peace and way of life. It set a standard. Why change that standard? Aren't those who preach the word spreading a better way of life? It seems to work so far... why mess with a good thing?

Here's the deal. There are thousands of passages about love. My question is: if God's love is infinite, limitless, and so encompassing... why the big deal against homosexuals? Can't they go to heaven and be treated equal?

Does me being Christian force me to become a bigot? I don't think so, because I'm far from it. Does my pro-gay rights stance mean I'm going to hell? I don't think so, either, because that would imply God's love has limits.

So, here's the question again:

"Christianity is a hypocritical idea, they preach love and practice hate. How can anyone babble on and on about "love thy neighbor" and bash someone just because they love another member of the same sex?

I'm certain that someone (POKE) will answer this question in detail. I am not answering this question, because I know not the answer. I'm fishing for responses. I'd also like to hear some responses from those who agree from this quote, as not to be one-sided.

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Best Day of My Life

Hey all,


It's been two months and three days since it happened, and it warms my blood to think of it.

That warmth spreads to every ounce of my being, comforting me and enducing me with ultimating happiness. Such a thing is not unheard of, but all my life... I dreamt of it.

It cascades over my very conscience, ousting darkness and annihilating sadness.


..........................................................

In September 1999, I was at my best friend's house. We sat there in his kitchen, he pecking away at a Macintosh keyboard. We went to separate schools, but I spent a lot of time with him nevertheless. He showed me a poem, and I liked it. Before him, I sat and wrote another. My friend is not the type to be easily impressed, but the seven minutes it took to compose it... did indeed impress him.

Time after time, I thought I failed in my ultimate quest. Attempt after attempt was thwarted by forces unknown. Yet, even with small victories... it never felt right. It never... formed.

I was half a man until it happened, until I looked into her eyes... until I gazed upon my immortal beloved.


It is, of course, marriage.


As early as 12, I only wanted one thing. I wanted to find my feminine equal. I wanted to find her, marry her, and spend eternity together with her.

Even in high school and college, when women were mere pleasures... I never wanted that mass, casual fling. It never appealed to me, and it made me a bit ill.

I was different. I thought myself unworthy, and perhaps God was a bit pissed at me. Why, I never knew. I found scoundrels happier.

But she walked into my life, and I lived again.


On October 14th at 10:30 A.M., we were married.

............................................................

So, how does that fit into my blog?

It is another example of what can happen when one person meets their equal, and discovers ultimate happiness. It is a gift which is rare indeed to find. That's also one of the reasons why infidelity angers me so (alas, that's for a future post).

Kristen Leigh Harvey became Kristen Leigh Burgess that day.

Even now... those three words, however phrased, are the sweetest words ever uttered.

I must be doing something right, to attain that sort of happiness.

Dumb Quotes, Part 4: The Last of the Inmates

These four candidates don't need any further introduction. Short and sweet, here they are: uncensored and complete morons.


Rudy Guiliani.

"I'm rooting for the Red Sox. I'm an American League fan and I go with the American League team." You've just broken the first commandment for all Yankee fans... and you're a Yankee diehard. Rudy, you don't do that... that's treason to New Yorkers.

"I'm probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world." Wow, Teddy Roosevelt anyone?

"Oh, you dirty boy! Donald, I thought you were a gentleman." --while dressed in drag, after having his "breasts" fondled by Donald Trump. I'm for marriage equality, but seeing Rudy in drag just creeps me out. And this guy wants to be President?!?!?

------------------------------------------------

John Edwards.

"I'm going to be honest with you—I don't know a lot about Cuba's healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?" And this coming from someone claiming to be for universal health care. Meaning, you're supposed to know these things. And you're an attorney. John, that's inexcusible.

"The president of the United States has to actually be able to walk and chew gum at the same time, has to be able to do two things at the same time." Echo, anyone? Marco!

"They have led us from the edge of greatness when Bill Clinton left office to the edge of a cliff." I'm a liberal, but can you name one thing Bill did? Come on, John, I love Bill... but he wasn't that great.

------------------------------------------------

Mitt Romney.

"I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter. That's a good thing. I think it's important to get the views of moderates." --right before Coulter called John Edwards a "faggot." Anyone who calls Coulter a moderate automatically loses their right to run for office. Next!

"I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I've been a hunter pretty much all my life." (Romney's campaign later said he'd been hunting twice, once when he was 15, and once in 2006 at a Republican fundraiser). Wow, this guy really is John Kerry's Republican twin.

"I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear. I've always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will." ... "kilt 'im a ba're when he was only 3..." Come on, Mitt. No one is going to vote for you by romanticizing your image. No one believes that, unless you're from West Virginia.

------------------------------------------------

Hillary Clinton.

"We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." See... that kind of statement makes people afraid of you. I know you're drawing a parallel to Bush, but sometimes... it's better to shut up.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." I don't even know where to begin to respond to that one.

"The question is, we face a lot of dangers in the world and, in the gentleman's words, we face a lot of evil men. And what in my background equips me to deal with evil and bad men?" --laughing off a question from a voter who asked Clinton what qualified her to deal with leaders from countries such as Iran and North Korea. Are you trying to dig at Bill? Or Bush? See, Senator, that's why Republicans are afraid of you... like everyone is afraid of Dick Cheney. You're just too scary.

I think I've made my point. I'm so mentally fatigued by these candidates. Somewhere down the line, I'll give some more of these dumb quotes... so everyone can see just how dumb our leaders can be.

As funny and disturbing as these little gems are, please remember that no candidate is flawless, no matter how gleaming the resume, how ethical their religious beliefs, how humanitarian their causes, or how eloquent a speaker. They're human beings, ladies and gentlemen.

So, who's your pick? :)

Friday, December 14, 2007

Dumb Quotes from the 2008 Race, Part 3

I've had my fun with four primetime candidates. I must admit, the idiocy amuses and astounds me. But what about the little guys?

Don't they deserve to be stupid, too?

Absolutely. These candidates want to be treated the same as the heavyweights, so let's do it!

------------------------------------

Fred Thompson. His heavyweight status is now being sorely tested by Huckabee, Romney, McCain, and Guiliani. Sorry, Jack, but you've got two things running against you.

1. You've been a Senator, just like some of the other idiots in the race. So guess what? Voting records a plenty to be held against you. 2. Your moving picture career. We've already had a actor-President, and currently have an actor-governor. Being an actor of sound mind, that takes away the right for you to say stupid things (except if you're Tom Cruise). So, don't say anything stupid, ok? Ok? You're not listening to me!

"I'm afraid that the Soviet Union and China are not ever going to do anything that's going to hurt them that badly but we need to ratchet those up if at all possible." --on how he would deal with Russia. Wow. Vague much? You sound like Obama, and I think you may have lost your Oscar.

"Gosh, no one has told me that there's any major reserves in the Everglades, but maybe that's one of the things I need to learn while I'm down here" --after being asked his position on oil drilling in the Florida Everglades. A Republican naive of an oil reserve. Who knew? Are you lying, or are you stupid?

-----------------------------

Dennis Kucinich. I really love this guy. His voice screams "impersonate me, for I know everything." He wants to impeach Dick Cheney. Unfortunately, I really think he believes it can happen. That puts him in the idiot category, too. None of us can win. He's also got voting records to hold against him.

"War can be so impersonal yet when we put a name, a face, a place and match it to families, then war is not impersonal." Captain Obvious strikes. No one likes to go to war. Sometimes, it's a necessity. See World War II for more. Sheesh.

“There are so many things to investigate this Administration for,” Ok... like what? There are 1001 reasons, clown. Are you incapable of naming one of them? Next!

---------------------------

Ron Paul. Along with being a stunt double for Ratatouille, rumor has it that this guy raised a load of money from the internet. Like Kucinich, he's from the House. He's also ran for President. Guess what? He's about to go 0-2.


"If you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be." Just for that, I hope you do get robbed, Mr. Paul. Nice one.

"Given the inefficiencies of what D.C. laughingly calls the `criminal justice system,' I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal." Wow, in masquerading as tolerance advocate, Mr. Paul becomes moron. 95%? I guess the legacy of Andrew Jackson will never die.

---------------------------
Bill Richardson. Being governor of New Mexico is a good thing, as governors garner some very good historical attention to getting elected. The NRA also rates this guy (a Democrat) very high. Unfortunately, he's in the asylum, along with the rest of them.

"I've been told that I have a lot of energy. The secret is that I use renewable resources. Some days I'm solar powered. Some days I'm wind powered. And some people in this room might think I'm hybrid gas-powered. You'll just have to guess which it is today." Really? Bill Richardson is energized by the sun? Where's the plate on your head to allow that to happen? I'm guessing you're running on Viagra.

"I don't have all the answers. I need your help, your guidance, and your leadership to tackle the challenges before us." Aww... humility. Isn't that just the cutest thing? If you don't have all the answers, do you have some of the answers. I think you're full of crap.

---------

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't have a lot to work with. We've been striking out for years. We've gone from Dwight D. Eisenhower to George W. Bush, and from John F. Kennedy to John "I believe in everything" Kerry. From the list of candidates above, the devolution may just continue.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Dumb Quotes From the 2008 Race, Part 2

Oh yes, the idiocy continues.
To promote some equality, I'll let a Democrat go first this time. I'm an equal-opportunist when it comes to revealing fools.
--------------------
Barack Obama. A relative newcomer to the national political stage. That's a good thing, no voting records to hold against him. Yet, I haven't heard a lot of specifics from Obama. He's a bit like JFK, without the details to support his vision. But, he seems like a cool guy to talk to (so does Bush). He'd be a great diplomat, but President...?
"In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed." --on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people. Dude, you went to freaking HARVARD LAW SCHOOL. Because you're from HLS, that fact alone forces you to get your facts straight. Yes, it was a horrible tragedy for the 12 and their families, but come on!
"No one is pro-abortion." Really? I get your context, Senator, but that's really naive.
“Today we are engaged in a deadly global struggle for those who would intimidate, torture, and murder people for exercising the most basic freedoms. If we are to win this struggle and spread those freedoms, we must keep our own moral compass pointed in a true direction.” See the problem here? What true direction are you talking about? North? South? Southeast? Whose moral compass? Gosh, I'm tired.
--------------------
John McCain. He's been running for President since 2000. He's 0-2, with a great chance to go 0-3. I praise the Senator for his sense of humor. He's a frequent guest on the Daily Show, and will defend himself and his policies to any who ask. But sometimes... he should just shut up.
"F**k you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room." --to Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), during a testy exchange about immigration legislation. Republicans are not supposed to drop the 'F' bomb. You're supposed to represent good, wholesome values. Aren't you guys supposed to be pro-censorship?
"You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran."- Wow, Senator. Tell us how you really feel. You and Biden would make quite a lovely show.
"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno." Wow. I don't even know where to start with that one.
As you can see, both sides are equally stupid and equally ready to give up the notion of common sense for some good publicity.
Who's up next? I really don't know where to start. You're all waiting for Hillary and Guiliani, but that's later.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

30 Days of Night (2007)

30 DAYS OF NIGHT

-Note to the reader: minor spoilers included

Introduction

Horror films are usually a disappointment. If I had to choose a horror film to watch, I’d probably take the vampire sub-genre (due to historical interests). However, vampire films are often problematic, and along with the horror genre, they seem to be getting worse. Also, there are a few thousand vampire films to sort through, and only a couple dozen actually worth viewing.

Problematic? Indeed.

Its history began in the 1920’s with F.W. Murnau’s classic Nosferatu (1922), quickly followed by films such as Drakula (or Dracula’s Death, now a lost 1923 Hungarian film), and London After Midnight (also a lost 1927 film, starring Lon Chaney, Sr.). The genre’s place in cinema was immortalized in 1931 with the release of Tod Browning’s masterpiece, Dracula—teaching the cinematic world how a vampire should look, talk, and act.

The 1930’s and 1940’s continued the genre with such films as Mark of the Vampire (a 1935 remake of the lost film London After Midnight), Dracula’s Daughter (a 1936 sequel to Browning’s Dracula), and Son of Dracula (a 1943 film starring Lon Chaney, Jr.). Vampires also met monsters and werewolves with a variety of team-up films (House of Frankenstein- 1944, House of Dracula- 1945, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein- 1945).

During the 1950’s, 1960’s, and 1970’s, Hammer Film Productions took advantage of the rise of colorized motion pictures. By fusing together color, blood, and ridiculous amounts of cleavage, Hammer Films released a slew of films to new, eager audiences—Christopher Lee’s Dracula saga (spanning from 1958-1974), The Brides of Dracula (1960), The Kiss of the Vampire (1964), Countess Dracula (1970), and Twins of Evil (1971).

The 1970’s also saw several vampire films and television shows produced. Dracula (a 1973 made for TV film, starring Jack Palance), Count Dracula (the highly underrated 1977 BBC production, starring Louis Jourdan), Nosferatu the Vampire (the effective 1979 remake of Nosferatu, starring Klaus Kinski), Dracula (the 1979 adaption of the stage play of Hamilton Dean and John L. Balderston, starring Frank Langella), Love At First Bite (the 1979 satire starring George Hamilton), and ‘Salem’s Lot (the 1979 TV miniseries) let loose a virtual overdose of vampiric motion pictures for fans.

Fast forwarding to the present day, we’ve seen spoofs and comedies (The Monster Squad-1987, Innocent Blood- 1992, Dracula: Dead and Loving It- 1995), quality films (Bram Stoker’s Dracula- 1992), underrated films (Dracula 2000- 2000), cult classics (The Lost Boys- 1987), total pieces of garbage force-fed by horrible directors (Van Helsing- 2004), and some of the worst films in the history of time (Dracula 3000- 2004).

The point of this somewhat exhaustive history?

Vampire films have been done to death (pun both intended and unintended) in the 85 year run. Vampires have been toys, in books (Anne Rice’s vampire series), comics (Morbius: The Living Vampire, Tomb of Dracula), infused in music, on the silver screen, in television programming (Forever Knight, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer), and even animated (Hellsing). If you’re a horror fan, you’ve probably seen at least a dozen different versions. So it begs to ask: why make another vampire film? Haven’t we seen enough?

Yet the influence is still strong. If not, why the gothic subculture? Why continue to make such movies? Vampires are imitated, even worshipped. Thousands still hunger for the immortal bloodsuckers and all forms of their artificial production. Much like an Alzheimer’s patient, we shell out the dollars, grab our tickets, and run our grubby paws on a visage of immortality… all while knowing full well exactly what we are getting ourselves into. Fast forward to: October 2007. David Slade (Hard Candy) takes upon the difficult task of reviving the genre by way of the popular Steve Niles graphic novel (2002).

The set-up is seemingly fail-safe. Portions of Alaska go dark for a month. Enter the sharks, living solely by darkness. The trick is for the townspeople of Barrow, Alaska to survive… survive the cold, survive the oncoming plague of destruction, and survive the lack of supplies and contact with the outside world. The thought of it is rather disturbing.

Four questions need to be asked before addressing the review and contemplating the decision to spend out your hard-earned dollars.

1. This movie stars Josh Hartnett, who isn’t exactly Christian Bale or Liam Neeson. Can he portray a believable lead (or at least, a somewhat effective one)?

2. 30 Days of Night is another comic-to-film attempt. Comic films generally come in three forms—1. Batman Begins and V For Vendetta (excellent), 2. Spider-Man 3 and Superman Returns (good, but sloppy), and 3. The Hulk and Catwoman (downright shitty and insulting). Which one is it?

3. There have been more vampire movies more than bad politicians and greedy preachers. Is there anything new that Slade brings that we haven’t seen?

4. Should audiences see this movie? And if so, why?

The Review

Direction: David Slade has two very beneficial things going for him in this film—atmosphere and mood. The frame is lovingly set, and a paradoxical sense of claustrophobia in the Alaskan setting is delightful. The film is well thought out, though minor flaws may irk some critics. I have some problems with the dialogue, but that’s for later. Slade does a good, but not great job. Slade does justify himself from the performances he gets from his lead actors. Score: 7.5.

Production: Sam Raimi had his hand in this project as well. Fortunately, no actors were glaring directly into the camera (see my review for Spider-Man 3). The budget was good, and the sets enhanced the mood. Also note the subtle influence by the works of Lord Byron and Mary Shelley. Score: 9.

Cinematography: From the opening frame, the screen caught my attention. If ever carnage and devastation were beautiful, this film would be it. The darkened reds, grays, and blacks make this chunk of eye candy even the more spectacular. Well done, and I could find no error. Score: 10.

Editing: The editing of 30 Days of Night comes in three portions—the beginning (boring), the middle (outrageous), and the end (heart stopping). It’s almost as if the production switched editors after Plot Point 1 (twenty minutes past the opening titles). Bonus points for the tightly cut, well-woven scenes of violence. Score: 8.

Costuming/Art Direction: The townspeople and the lead actors are well dressed. The sharks are a bit cliché, using black and white—an off-beat influence from Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000. This may be personal preference. The art, however, is out of this world. Score: 7.5.

Script/Story: The story is very good. 30 Days of Night has a predictable beginning, an efficient and truly disturbing middle, and a bit of a surprising end. For a vampire film, the story is excellent. However, I’ve got some problems with the dialogue. Minor spoiler here: The sharks speak in another self-created language, something along the lines of the Dracs in Enemy Mine. Enter subtitles, which I didn’t feel gelled with the rest of the smooth story. Score: 7.

Special Effects: The special effects are surprisingly low for such a venture, much to my delight. The CGI is kept to a minimum, while the created blood was plentifully spilled. Vampires running amuck with editing tricks also made me quite happy. Score: 9.

Score/ Soundtrack: Effective or terrible, vampire films usually benefit from a good music (Wojciech Kilar in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Marco Beltrami for Dracula 2000, etc.). There is a significant change, in that the music does not drive the film (such as in Dracula- 1979). Instead, the effective use of silence compensates of the lack of musical score. Me being a fan of great scores, I could have used a bit more of a sensationalized score. But, it works. Score: 8.5.

Primary Cast: Josh Hartnett does a very good job, much to my utter surprise. Slade seems to have done good work here. Furthermore, while the dialogue is disappointing with some of the supporting cast, it fits Hartnett to the core. Melissa George is a pleasure to watch (and no, she didn’t show her boobs… she’d FREEZE). Score: 9.5.

Supporting Cast: Ben Foster and Marc Boone, Jr., fresh from their respective comic book roles (X-Men: The Last Stand and Batman Begins), step out and make for extremely effective performers in the midst of Slade’s vision. Some truly touching moments happen amongst the supporting cast, even through some of the silly dialogue.

The Vampires: You may have noticed that I call the vampires “sharks.” This is intentional, as the nosferatu draw very much from the behavior and actions of the oceanic predators. As sharks rule the seas, the vampires rule Barrow, Alaska. They are cunning, merciless, and deadly efficient killers. As such, I have a rather high standard for whom may run these beasts. Unfortunately, Danny Huston is a bit miscast as Marlow, the leader of the pack. Huston didn’t intimidate me in the least, and some of his associates fall into the same vein. Their numbers were what impressed me, but I expected a lot more from individual performance. Score: 6.

Conclusion

1. This movie stars Josh Hartnett, who isn’t exactly Christian Bale or Liam Neeson. Can he portray a believable lead (or at least, a somewhat effective one)? YES. This is Hartnett’s best role, and he is a perfect fit for the director, his film, and the story. 2. 30 Days of Night is another comic-to-film attempt. Comic films generally come in three forms—1. Batman Begins and V For Vendetta (excellent), 2. Spider-Man 3 and Superman Returns (good, but sloppy), and 3. The Hulk and Catwoman (downright shitty and insulting). Which one is it? Somewhere in the middle of 1 and 2. It is a good movie, but a much tighter film than those in the “sloppy” category. Dialogue problems and lack of individual presence from the vampires keep this film from being excellent. 3. There have been more vampire movies more than bad politicians and greedy preachers. Is there anything new that Slade brings that we haven’t seen? Slade does not portray his monsters are romantic beings, but raptors… sharks… beasts. The atmosphere… the need of the townspeople to survive works extremely well. By staying in Barrow, Alaska, these townspeople have signed their own executions. 4. Should audiences see this movie? And if so, why? Yes. See this film for the filthy atmosphere, some genuinely disturbing moments, and Josh Hartnett’s emergence as an actual actor.

This is perhaps the most atmospheric film of 2007, topping even Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. 30 Days of Night should not be viewed as a vampire film. This is a film about survival, in all its forms and guises, and a gut-wrenching reality check for those amongst the month-long winter.

Enjoy.

Total Points: 82, Final Score: 8, Grade: B

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX

Each of the films in the Harry Potter franchise have gotten increasingly darker, mature, and inevitably, better. Despite this progressive swing, all of the four previous films had something out of place. The Sorcerer’s Stone is often criticized for being too juvenile. The Chamber of Secrets was too long and touch dull. The Prisoner of Azkaban deviated much from the source material and the acting was often wooden. The Goblet of Fire was poorly edited and its running time too short.


However, most do enjoy the Harry Potter films… and I am no exception. Yet exceptional is a very excellent synonym for Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix (which also happens to be my favorite book). Be warned, however, this is a very adult film—full of violence and sexual innuendo. I loved it, and am certain you shall too. I’m going to try to pick this film to death, as it’s so good and sets such a high mark within the franchise. It’s the best Potter film released to date. Why? You’ll see.


Direction: Wow. David Yates is master, manipulator, and a resounding success. Yates is also directing Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince—for a very good reason. He is the best of the directors. No director has been capable of getting the performances from his actors that Yates did: not Chris Columbus, not Alphonso Cuaron, and not Mike Newell. Yates is the conductor of a fantastic symphony, and fortunately that song shall continue. Do not take my word for this: see it for yourself.Score: 9.5.


Production: The creation of new sets and the preservation of original sets is one of the trademarks of the Harry Potter film franchise. Hordes of new additions are added in Order of the Phoenix, and delight the audience with authenticity to the book. Still, there are a few questionable choices in the film (though this may be construed as personal preference). Score: 8.


Cinematography: Gorgeous. This movie is a perfect translation from Newell’s brain to the moviegoer’s eye. I had the rare opportunity to be a part of the first audience in West Virginia to experience a film in total digital picture and sound. Fortunately, it was with a film I thoroughly enjoyed. Score: 10.


Editing: As I’ve said before, it’s hard to choose. Order of the Phoenix is the longest books in the franchise. Hardcore fans will grind their teeth with items left out. WB also seems to set a time restriction. How to solve the problem? Transition dreams, actions, media clippings, and delightful hallucinations. It is pure brilliance. I found no error here, as much as I fought to find one.Score: 10.


Costuming/Art Direction: Some of the costumes were a little too “trendy” (i.e.: Dudley Dursley’s pimp chain). Yet again, this is a minor preference. The females are attractive and empowered (even the lunacy of Dominatrix Lestrange) and the males are infused in the genre. Don’t worry, the school colors haven’t changed. As the series grows darker, so do the costumes. Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black look top-notch. Score: 8.


Script/Story: Michael Goldenberg must have long, sleepless nights in choosing which parts of the book to condense, and which to edit. As this is his first Harry Potter script (and Yates’s first Potter film), he hasn’t the stigma to follow. The plot points are seamless and stretch the imagination. The silly lines have been placed to a minimum—making this film aficionado very happy indeed.Score: 8.5.


Special Effects: Voldemort’s spells made me piss my pants. Need any more proof? Score: 10.


Score/Soundtrack: At last, something I can pick on! The music edits are outstanding, yet the music and setting seemed at times in appropriate and did not match the actors’ resonance on camera. While Goblet of Fire had a pounding, sinister melody, Order of the Phoenix seemed more cheerful. An odd choice, though light had to emanate from somewhere. Good job, just not great (rather like the trilogies of the summer, eh?). Score: 6.


Primary Cast: Daniel Radcliffe is no longer the googly-eyed fool from the first two films. He is also no longer unauthentic. Let me be plain: I do not like the Harry Potter character. For the first time, I felt for the character and genuinely became enthralled and engaged. This is because of Yates’s supervision and cautious direction, and I love it. Rupert Grint (the surprise of The Goblet of Fire) continues his rise as an actor. Emma Watson is charming, sexy (hey, at least I admit it), and possesses an effective, steady performance. Harry, Hermione, and Ron are believable and at their best. Finally, I can actually enjoy watching them on screen, and not bide time until McGonagall makes an appearance or continuously hope Voldemort hangs one of them. Score: 9.


Supporting Cast: Ralph Fiennes stole the film in The Goblet of Fire. He does so again in this film. Fiennes has created one of the great film villains of the modern era, and perhaps of all time. I see lots of inspiration from Klaus Kinski in Nosferatu the Vampyre, which is a very nice touch. Evanna Lynch’s Luna Lovegood is flawless casting. Imelda Staunton is Margaret Thatcher, Dick Cheney, and Nurse Ratched rolled into one. If you’ve read the book, you already hate Dolores Umbridge. Michael Gambon’s Dumbledore is the voice of authority. Jason Isaacs, Gary Oldman, and Helena Bonham Carter are superior. Yates sets a new standard for performance, and everyone meets that standard. Score: 10.


Welcome to a higher quality of filmmaking from this franchise. I urge all readers to go see this film. Don’t get fooled by a WB/Legendary logo during the trailers. It’s not The Dark Knight (to my utter disdain).


If you compare it to the rest of the lot of 2007, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is the best. This is not based on preconceived notions. This is simply… a wonderful film. Enjoy.
Total Points: 89
Final Score: 9
Grade: A-

Transformers (2007)

TRANSFORMERS
How curious… to create a film from such source material. When one creates a piece of cinema from a toy line, eyebrows may raise. Yet things are not as they may seem. Yes, the film has an MTV feel to it (i.e.: Linkin Park in the credits). Yes, some of the dialogue is a bit silly.
No, this is not a bad film. In fact, it’s a rather good one. It is also better than the first three of the trilogies (Spider-Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek; Rush Hour to be released in August). Though it’s not saying much, this is also Michael Bay’s best work.
Direction: With that being said, Bay adds his own personal touches. I must ask: why is it necessary to overkill slow-motion? Why? The dramatic emphasis isn’t there, and it makes a movie look ridiculous. Yes, but I’m being critical… but that’s my job. I pay money to watch a film I actually really like, and the likes of Bay, Goyer, and Raimi take me to Matrix-land. It’s utter nonsense. Aside from that, Bay gets good performances out of his live, animated, and voice actors. Score: 7.
Production: One may expect something silly, given Bay’s history. Yet it’s very effective. The buzz surrounding this film has been long in wait, but the reward is excellent. Pay attention to the details, as it will enhance the moviegoer’s experience. Score: 9.
Cinematography: Bay’s films are known for breathtaking visuals. Transformers is no exception. Mitchell Amundsen’s work is spectacular… each shot meticulously planned and flawlessly executed. Score: 9.5.
Editing: I’m taking off points for the slow-motion, which just pisses me off. Save that, the edits are average… in the vein of Spider-Man 3. Score: 6.
Script/Story: I dislike it when filmmakers force-feed the plot down your throat, as it discourages the audience to become genuinely engaged in the story. That sums up the first 20 minutes. However, the plot points are intelligently written and the characters are sincerely engaging. The problem? The Stephen Sommers Syndrome returns, in cheesy characters (John Turturro) and overdone dialogue. It’s not terrible, but it is for freaks like me to rave about. Score: 6.5.
Costuming/Art Direction: Bay and crew are actually defining a genre and initiating a franchise. The costumes are good, and the art is well conceived. The principal characters are essentially feeding from great art—and that’s a good thing. Score: 9.
Special Effects: Seamless. Unfortunately, the slow-motion rears its ugly head. Score: 9.5.Score/Soundtrack: Much like Ghost Rider, many of the songs are inappropriate. Yet, who am I to say? This is a summer blockbuster, and it’s in the business of making money. The film does have a likable score, though. Score: 7.
Primary Cast: When I learned of a teenage hero, my nostrils flared and I instantly became nauseated. Yet, like Rodriguez’s reinvention of Rose McGowan as an actual actress… Bay makes Shia LaBeouf give an effective and encompassing performance. Megan Fox is sex on a stick, which delights my male parts yet lends me to believe that she is distracting me from the slow-motion. Score: 7.
Supporting Cast: Stealing the show are the robots themselves. Peter Cullen and Hugo Weaving’s voices are fantastic and ultimately under-utilized. John Turturro has no business in this film. I fell in love with Bumblebee. So sue me. Score: 9.
Keep in mind, that most audiences simply do not care about the technicals. That’s good for profit, and bad for the filmmaking craft in general. Yet Transformers is a good, fun film. I hate Michael Bay for his use of slow-motion (as I overkill the criticism of such, it was over-killed literally once every 10 minutes), though adore him for getting a quality performance from his lead actor.
If the story wasn’t shoved into my retinas, I would’ve given this film a higher score. It’s worth seeing once, and probably twice. Have fun!
Total Score: 79.5
Final Score: 8.
Ranking: B/B+

Dumb Quotes from the 2008 Race, Part 1

It's really, really easy for someone to identify my political beliefs. That's not really the point here.
It's election time. Some truly awful, stupid, and hilarious things will come out of all of our candidates' mouths. It just so happens a few have happened recently. I'm going to swipe at everyone, including the ones I'm considering to vote for.
So, with that said, here goes...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Mike Huckabee (you know if you change the 'H' into an 'F' in his last name...). This guy seems to be rising in the polls. He was a former Senator and governor of Arkansas (wow, where have we hard that before). He's got a lot of Christian support, so that's a good thing... right?
Well, don't be fooled, folks. He's also an idiot, just like the rest of them. Wayne DuMond case, anybody?
He also has some really dumb quotes, too. Something along the lines of Rick Santorum, perhaps.
"There’s never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survive."- Men's Style. He's really helping that notion of Christian tolerance, huh?
"Homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk."- AP, 12/2007. Wow. Richard Simmons a terrorist? Who knew?
"If a person dresses provocatively, they're calling attention -- maybe not the most desirable kind -- to private parts of their body."- Gotta love that freedom of speech. So... should we also ban kilts?
I’m just telling you, I’m not overtly campaigning against anybody,” said Huckabee. “…I just don’t do it. I’ve got plenty of things to talk about, and I don’t need to use them as the filler for my speech.” Huckabee called fellow Republican Mitt Romney's new ad “desperate” Tuesday, comparing his actions to those of “a tattle-tale in third grade.”- CNN, 12/2007. And I thought Romney and John Kerry were the only ones who could say two completely different things in the same sentence.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Joe Biden. Boy, this guy hates Republicans... almost as much as Huckabee and Santorum hate gays. He's the guy to answered "yes" when asked if he would behave himself and watch his mouth. Pretty cool, huh?
Well, not really...
"You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. ... I'm not joking."- So there's a law that says that? Wow, and I thought Democrats were supposed to be tolerant.
"I got tested for AIDS. I know Barack got tested for AIDS. There's no shame in being tested for AIDS. It's an important thing."- Really? What exactly are saying, Mr. Biden?
"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." -on Barack Obama. Which book? Mein Kampf?
--------------------
That's just a warmup. Just remember, one of these idiots is going to be our next President. I'll probably do McCain and Obama tomorrow. It's only going to get better.
Later, folks.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Shrek the Third (2007)

SHREK THE THIRD

Ah, summer 2007. Full of mind-numbing, pointless action scenes where millions shove popcorn and ding-dongs down while silently praying for a better escape. As loads of dollars pour into the studio's pocket, we the audience, are left with cinema which is, of course... lackluster at best. Summer 2007 is also the "year of the trilogies." The second of the trilogies, Shrek the Third, unfortunately falls into the pit of popcorn flicks-- fun, somewhat engaging, and ultimately without a backbone. Before I begin, note that I enjoyed Shrek and its sequel very much. The pop references, solid animation and voice acting, and the overall story was actually rather good. Alas, the third installment relies too much on its predecessors' originality... thus falling into one of the inevitable traps of the sequel. Like Grindhouse, I am diverting from my original point scale (combining and dividing some).

Technical Ventures (Direction, Production, Editing, Special Effects, etc.): The animation is of course, top notch. The seamless drawings and the flow of the film are in itself the overall drawing power of the film. Yet, is that saying something? I'm more than certain that the reader/viewer can name at least a dozen films which do the same. As such, no need to extrapolate. The editing is also good, which in turn, makes me happy. Very good, but not great. I found a cheap Joker reference which made me happy. Score: 43.

The Script/Story: Shrek the Third is a bad version of organized chaos. The story has an overall direction, yet it has no center... no compelling backbone to thread the story together. The new characters are fodder, and overall, utterly useless (save perhaps the inclusion of King Arthur). I highly respect the fact that more females were included. Yet, there is no real cause for them. Half of the characters with speaking lines could have been eliminated. The dialogue? If you can look past the many cliches, it's not that bad. There is also much of the beloved adult humor to keep the adults entertained. Now, if you're 12 years old or younger... this is an instant and unforgettable classic. Unfortunately, most of the readers won't be as such. Score: 10.

Music: Inappropriate and forced. Even the choices of music (which on the surface may seem tame and well-woven) are in reality, like the script, a bad version of organized chaos. In short, distracting. Score: 4.5.

Primary Cast: Myers, Diaz, Murphy, and Banderas again return to man the film and draw power. Unfortunately, Myers's character (Shrek) is getting old. The green ogre is no longer cute. Diaz (Fiona) seemed like something from before the age of feminism-- psychologically oppressed by stereotypes. Murphy (Donkey) is good. Banderas (Puss and Boots) was horribly underutilitzed. Score: 6.

Supporting Cast: John Cleese's (the King) role is short. Justin Timberlake (King Arthur) is somewhat of a surprise, but forged into a weakened story. Julie Andrews (the Queen) is Julie Andrews--classy and excellent. The rest of the cast, as stated before, are fodder. Score: 2.

Yet, this film is for kids. I laughed a bit, but not enough to get me past the story. Excellent visuals. I'm also taking into account the lack of originality of Hollywood in general. Thank God for Christopher Nolan. Rating: 7. Grade: C.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END

The year of the trilogies continues. 2007 (so far) is a little bit better than 2006. This constant (yet very, very slow) progression in storytelling and quality cinema began after the mostly horrendous takings of 2004 (Van Helsing, Catwoman, SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2, etc.). As such, Hollywood is still learning how to combine their desire to make money and create effective films. This perversely slow trend reveals itself well in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. At World's End, at first glance, could be conversely mirrored to Spider-Man 3. That is: a bad film with a lot of good portions inside of it. Do not make that mistake, readers. The trailers and clips do not reveal everything, and do not merit one film by the previous two films' successes or failures. That is a treacherous mistake. At World's End is a very good (but not great) film—a few large steps higher than your average "summer popcorn flick." It is worth seeing, and probably worth seeing twice… for positive and negative reasons.

Direction: Gore Verbinski is much like the 2006 Jacksonville Jaguars in the NFL. I quote Chris Berman of ESPN: "Yeah, but…" He has made good films, but he makes some very stupid mistakes. Some of which come from the inevitable bias of blockbuster sequels—they rest on the laurels of the predecessor. Others lie in the horrendous and awful disease of directors. The disease? The Stephen Sommers Syndrome. No, there is no cure (though Christopher Nolan seems to have endowed himself with an anti-toxin). I coined the term, just now. Give me my fifty cents. The proper definition of The S.S.S. is "the overwhelming tendency to take what was once a very enlightened original concept or idea and muddle it to low-tier mediocrity or nonsense with grandiose special effects and ridiculous plot points or one-liners." Keep that in mind. And if you're going to use my quotes, then please… give credit where credit is due. Score: 5.

Production: Another aspect of The S.S.S. is a somewhat original (and very expensive) production schedule. Filming back to back with Dead Man's Chest was probably a good idea. The sets are much improved, and will bring a smile to even the most hardened of malcontents. Score: 9.

Cinematography: Mostly, Dariusz Wolski sets a very beautiful and engaging frame. Yet, the picture quality seems to shift from wondrous to poor… as if he were rushed. Perhaps this is a setback of filming sequels in rapid succession. Still, the visuals are stunning. Score: 8.

Editing: Above average sums it up. Score: 6.

Costuming/Art Direction: The costumes and art have also improved. They do not detract from the story. They do, however, convey a sense of atmosphere and mood that sometimes gets lost when a bout of The S.S.S. comes around. Liz Dann and Penny Rose…well done, ladies. Score: 9.

Script/Story: At World's End isn't one of those films where one can just sit in one film without watching the first two. This is intentional, for better or worse. The beginning of the story is instantly engaging. The middle is Shrek the Third—a bad version of organized chaos. The writers have jammed too many aspects and characters in the midst of middle portion of the film. They attempted to make it something from a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle novel. But, that doesn't work with this film. The latter portion of the film? Good. The script itself is full of silly lines and overtly placed audibles that scream "I want to be mysterious. Pay attention to me." Score: 6.

Special Effects: The effects mirror the cinematography. At times, the effects are hurried. Overall, they are skilled and enjoyable. Score: 8.

Score/Soundtrack: Hans Zimmer rules. Do we really need to go on? The music is moody and like a whirlwind. Score: 10.

Primary Cast: Johnny Depp avoids the film's portion of The S.S.S. and evolves further. How can you evolve such a masterful character as Captain Sparrow further? By taking one emotion or aspect of the character, and driving it to an entirely different place... you receive a surprise. As such, Sparrow is different here. This is exceptional work. As for Orlando and Keira? See my comments on the script. Score: 7.5.

Supporting Cast: Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) is quite valuable, but not on screen enough to register. That is unfortunate. Bill Nighy is exceptional. The crew of the Black Pearl grates on the nerves. The East India Trading Company is not at all menacing. Tia Dalma is engaging, though some of her lines are force-fed. Keith Richards? He should have been with the franchise since The Curse of the Black Pearl. Richards is intimidating and exudes an aura of confidence without forcing it. He was, by far, the greatest surprise of the film. Score: 7.5.

Total Points: 76.

At World's End is without question, the best of the trilogies of 2007. Again, it's very good without being great. Super-charged music and art direction do a lot to cover up many of the aforementioned mistakes. With a different director and script… who knows? Go see it, but think twice about taking children under 13.

Final Score: 8. Grade: B

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

SPIDER-MAN 3

To begin: I believe that this movie is the best in the franchise, but honestly… that's not saying a lot. Come on, people. Marvel isn't known for quality cinema. If you want that, look elsewhere. Most films are made for escapism and shock value (special effects). The curse of being in an academic film environment is that you quickly get bored of the norm. I liked Spider-Man and thought the sequel was highly overrated. Spider-Man 3 is actually a good movie with lots of small mistakes. As such, the film at times feels cramped and rushed. I'm going to give you some minor spoilers, but these are things one can deduce from comics or the advertisements. In short, deal with it.

Direction: While Sam Raimi is god to some, to others he is merely above average. I'm the latter. In the past, Raimi's performances from his actors were a bit weak (I'll use the term "Marvel" from now on). That being stated, the bar wasn't set too high. The frames Raimi sets are actually quite good. Mostly an improvement from the previous two. Score: 7.5.

Production: These fellows took a long time in planning this film. It shows. The sets are large, almost epic. The scenes effectively match what the storytellers are trying to convey. It's very good, perhaps the best for a Marvel film. But again, is that saying much? I'm giving a couple of extra points for the opening credits. Score: 8.

Editing: When an actor looks directly into the camera in a non-de-establishing shot (even from an oblong angle), it flat out looks ridiculous. Raimi did it with the previous two films, and it continues. The pacing is good, but not great. Rather like the film itself, the editing has a lot of small things gone awry. Score: 7.

Script: There's improvement with the dialogue. The overall story is not bad. However, time to lightly spoil you. The symbiote comes from the sky in the form of a small meteor. No other explanation (save an off-reference by symbiotes by Dr. Connors). The appearance of the black suit and Venom needed to happen at least a half hour before they did. Sandman's story is not bad, but rushed… almost forced on the audience. Forced emotion is never good for a story. But, it's Marvel. For morons like me, there are loads of Batman references, whether intentional or not. The references themselves are almost as if Marvel is giving up and may irritate the hardcore DC fan. Unfortunately, Sam Raimi is not Christopher Nolan… and Macguire, Dunst, and Franco are not Bale, Caine, and Oldman. Score: 7.

Cinematography: A descent frame. If you've seen one Marvel film, you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. As such, no need to elaborate further. Score: 6.5.

Special Effects: Again, another improvement over the previous two. Yet at points the CGI just looks out of place. CGI won't be truly perfected for another decade, if ever. Again, extra points to the opening credits. Score: 8.

Costuming: Nothing really new here. The black suit looks good, and Venom doesn't have enough screen time to truly matter. However, Topher Grace's (not Venom) facial features with the symbiote are actually quite nice. Score: 7.

Score/Soundtrack: The music is good. However, the music cuts are horrible, and an absolute disaster. I really don't think anyone pays attention to this but me, but it really takes away from the film. I think the crew should critically research the terms "fade in" and "fade out." Score: 7.

Primary Cast: Instead of an overall view, I'll break it down by character. Peter Parker: Another leap forward, perhaps a huge leap forward. Yet the looming presence of Marvel demands the presence of idiocy. In Spider-Man 3? Peter Parker's cockiness (with symbote) is good and bad. A truly bad Saturday Night Fever strut. A truly bad interaction with Ursula (Mageina Tovah), and forced relationship with Gwen Stacy. Spider-Man is actually good, though.Mary Jane Watson: Another step forward. Dunst is now believable, and no longer a lost teenager. Tis perhaps the most developed character for a Marvel film. Harry Osborn: The most improved is Franco's Osborn/New Goblin. The Goblin isn't as bad as one may deduce from the trailers. Did Franco suddenly get acting lessons?Score: 8.5.

Supporting Cast:Flint Marko: Thomas Haden Church is a very good actor stuck in a Marvel film. It's a bit like seeing Peter Fonda in Ghost Rider. However, his ending is quite good.

Gwen Stacy: Her character is rushed. However, I've never seen Bryce Dallas Howard that attractive (and I don't like blondes). Howard does the best with what she has to work with, which is truly not much.

Dr. Connors: Dylan Baker is effective and quite underused. The rumor mill states that he (as the non-Godzilla, non-Lake Placid, Lizard) may be the main antagonist in Spider-Man 4. Hire another screenwriter and I may go on opening night.Aunt May: Another perfect example of a wasted talent on a fairly good character. Maybe Carnage will hang her in a future film, leaving me with a fake tear.

J. Jonah Jameson: J.K. Simmons is the show stealer. Every scene for his character oozes with brilliance, megalomania, and perfection. I would honestly watch an entire film just about him. For me, he was the primary reason why I liked this movie and will see it again later.

Eddie Brock: The screenwriters must be bored of Spider-Man films. Perhaps they sat there, in their little hobbit hole, and decided: "let's copy Topher's character from "That '70's Show and paste it pre-Venom." However, when Brock gets shamed, Grace's performance shines. As before, Venom has too little screen time to do much damage. His character also gets a truly wasted ending. Score: 8.

Spider-Man 3 is a bit like X-Men 3, concluding the trilogy and leaving holes open for another. If you smell Carnage and the Lizard for Spider-Man 4, you would probably be correct at this point. Fortunately, it will be some time before Peter Parker has another venture onto the silver screen. I really wanted to give this movie a better rating, but I, doing justice for all descent and few filmmakers… cannot. Marvel is simply the Halliburton of the film world—a company which will do anything to make money. Yet, despite the many small problems, audiences will enjoy it and it will make a boatload of cash.

Final Score: 8. Grade: B-

Grindhouse (2007)

GRINDHOUSE

-Notation: For 17+ Only

It is extremely complicated to review this film with my original format. Instead, the review shall be for each piece, and then end consisting of an overall rating. Before we get started, let's get a few things down for the record…

As this is the brainchild of Rodriguez and Tarantino, let me emphasize that this film should be not viewed by minors. There are things (some of which I shall describe) which could screw the inner workings of a young one's mind—a definite no-no, despite the fact that I'm a raving liberal looney. In fact, this review is designated for 17+, and should be taken into account before reading further. With that being said, let's go!

If you're a student of film or a fan of the craft in general, the Grindhouse package is a breath of fresh air. The package is something different, and will not only garner the obligatory bad fan videos from YouTube, but will also probably reinstitute exploitation in the genre. The film is filthy, and I mean that with every good sense of the word. Note: I did not expect to enjoy this film, but was quite pleased with the result. To the review? Of course!
- - - - - - - - - - -
PLANET TERROR
Direction: Am I alone for thinking that Sin City wasn't Rodriguez's best work? Though Planet Terror is certainly not as good as Desperado or Once Upon a Time In Mexico, it is better than From Dusk Till Dawn, Sin City, and all the Spy Kids nonsense. Rodriguez, ever the master planner, sets a well thought-out frame. He has total control on the set and it translates into great performances and a surprising story. Total: 9
Production: A little blown out of proportion at points (even though it's a Grindhouse film), Planet Terror feels like an eerie train wreck. You can't stop watching, even though you're going to see something you do not want to see. Atmospheric to the highest order, though perhaps a bit overdone towards the ending. Score: 7.
Editing: Brilliant. The editing matches the feel of the film. Planet Terror (like its successor, Death Proof), is scratchy, discolored, out of sync, and missing reels (another stroke of genius). Anyone who spent time in a film classroom will absolutely drool. Score: 10.
Script: The dialogue was rather good, and was very appropriate for the genre. The story was excellent (until about 20-25 remaining in the film). I did not like the ending (despite the point of the Grindhouse experience), nor did I like the machine gun leg. It just didn't work. All else is well done. Score: 7.
Cinematography: The shots match the edits. See above. Score: 10.Costumes/Set Design: If you've seen From Dusk Till Dawn, you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. There's not a lot further to comment. Score: 6.
Special Effects: Disgusting. The shock value is high, and the special effects are primarily used to make the audience sick. Every male, from now on, will check their crotches regularly. Note ¼ past the beginning. You'll see. Score: 7.
Score/Soundtrack: It thumps. Great pacing and expertly woven. Again, the ending didn't work, and it translated into the score. Score: 7.
Primary Cast: Ready for the big surprise? Rose McGowan. She actually emotes! She is utterly splendid. Not only is she inside the head of the character, but she also makes the filmgoer believe she is that character. No longer will she be Marilyn Manson's ex-girlfriend, but folks will know her name. I have never seen her act before. Do you know what that tells me? That tells me that Charmed sucked even more than I thought it did. While Charmed gave Rose no chance to show off her real skill, Planet Terror gave her every opportunity. Her other skills? Well… let's just say the opening sequence will make every man (and woman) with a pulse aching with desire. I almost passed out… SERIOUSLY. I've never seen her that attractive and sexy, or that skillful. She doesn't even show her teats, and it doesn't matter. Freddy Rodriguez? Add in one part El Mariachi and one part Bruce Wayne, and you've got a great character. Again, the ending dampened his character. Score: 8.
Supporting Cast: Not only can Rose act, but so can Stacy Ferguson! What, exactly, is Robert Rodriguez doing? The cameos are wonderful. Not only is Earl (the character) in Planet Teror, but Carlos Gallardo is, too. If you don't know who Carlos Gallardo is, punch yourself in the testicles. Add in Marley Shelton, and you have a hell of a supporting cast. Score: 8.
Rating/BOF Grade: An excellent beginning feature to the two Grindhouse films. Unfortunately, Grindhouse subscribed to Rosemary's Baby (196 and The Ninth Gate (1999) in that the ending clammed the rest of the story, but not as much as the previous two mentioned films. Even so, I couldn't look away, and I doubt you could, either.
Total Points: 79. Rating: 8.
- - - - - - - -
DEATH PROOF
Direction: Quentin Tarantino gets on my nerves. I think Pulp Fiction (1994) is highly overrated, Jackie Brown (1997) was disappointing, and the Kill Bill saga doesn't interest me enough to see them. Guess what? Death Proof rocks! While Rodriguez had a very specific, tight set, Tarantino had a loose, relaxed set. It doesn't feel that way, but while Planet Terror is good, Death Proof is even better. Score: 9.
Production: Planet Terror, but cleaner. Score: 7.
Editing: Again, kudos to the editing room. In case you didn't know, the actual movie is created with the editing room. The footage strung together for Death Proof is out of this world. The homages to Grindhouse appropriate, and the action sequence will give you a heart attack. Score: 10.
Script: It's Planet Terror in reverse. While the beginning may be disappointing, the ending is unbelievably satisfying. Original? You bet your nuts! The dialogue is also better. Score: 8.
Cinematography: Again, see the editing comments. Wally Pfister had some influence here. Score: 10. Costumes/Set Design: Again, an improvement on Planet Terror. Do any of you wonder about the recurring foot-fetish in Tarantino's films? Is it just a running gag, or should we all be equally creeped out? Score: 6.
Special Effects: Most of the special effects were authentic, which was very good. The car chase sequence will do to you what Rose's opening number in Planet Terror did to me… make you pass out. Score: 7.
Score/Soundtrack: A little disappointed here, but the movie tends to drown out the music more than Planet Terror. In any case, you won't see the Grindhouse package for the score. Leave that for lunatics like me to care about such nonsense. Score: 7.
Primary Cast: Kurt Russell only gets more badass with age. Like Rose McGowan, I think this is his best role. He goes from ominous to likeable to disturbing to absolutely hysterical. Russell's range is amazing. The girls (Rosario Dawson, Vanessa Ferlito, Tracie Thomas, Rose McGowan, and others) are amazing. Zoe Bell? What a bad ass! Score: 9.
Supporting Cast: Earl is back. That's all you need to know or care about. Score: 8.
Planet Terror was merely a warm-up. Death Proof proves to me that I can like Tarantino's work. I enjoyed every minute of it, and was hard-pressed to find details to pick at. The beginning was a bit slow, but the payoff was nut-busting.
Total Points: 81. Rating: 8.5/9.
- - - - - - - - - - -
MACHETE:The fake trailers are part of the Grindhouse package. The best one? MACHETE. I will not spoil this for you. However…. Screw Sin City 2. Rodriguez should make Machete. As Planet Terror will make Rose McGowan a household name, Machete will make Danny Trejo in that same household. The best quote in the entire Grindhouse package lies here… "But they soon realized… they just f*cked with the wrong Mexican."
Total Points: Who cares? Rating: Make this movie today. Grade: The best part of Grindhouse.
THE GRINDHOUSE PACKAGE: It's a long ride, but a good ride. Grindhouse works on so many levels, that it covers up the low points. Rose McGowan and Kurt Russell are at their best. Again, screw Sin City 2. Make Machete.
Total Score: 8.5

Monday, December 10, 2007

Ghost Rider (2007)

This review is archived at http://www.on-film.net/.
GHOST RIDER
Ghost Rider was the first movie I've seen this year in theatres. As you know, Marvel and its films are movie whores. Yet this is better than most of its ventures. Does it have problems? Yes. Keep in mind I review this from a purely cinematical avenue, as I have not read a Ghost Rider comic. Got it? Good.
Direction: Mark Steven Johnson's third outing as director (2nd for Marvel) is a bit better than his second film (Daredevil). He seems to have found his niche in the comic world. Some of the casting decisions seem sloppy, while some of the scenes are a bit ridiculous. He does, however, get a very good performance from his lead actors. Score: 7.
Production: Though this film was shoved back from a Summer 2006 release, it at times feels rushed (especially the beginning). Some of the sets have a very studio-lot feel, which takes away from the atmosphere. However, for a Marvel movie, it is good. Score: 6.5.
Cinematography: Good and bad. Good in capturing establishment shots, bad at close-ups. I haven't seen any of their previous work. Score: 5.5.
Script: Some of the characters feel out of place (Caretaker). Some of the dialogue is flat-out ridiculous (Wes Bentley, in particular). The beginning is rushed. Yet Ghost Rider is actually a Marvel character with depth and substance, a feat rarely seen. Score: 6.
Editing: Richard Francis-Bruce disappoints me. Much of the low scores in this film go to him. His edits scream "wink at the camera," and his pacing is inappropriate. It almost seems lazy. He allows the special effects to dominate the picture, without any input to the storytelling. Mind you: this comes from the editor of Seven, the Green Mile, and Instinct. Shame on you, Richard. Score: 2.
Costumes/Art Direction: Creative. Refreshing. Yeah, it's a comic movie, but it works well. The costumes also evolve, a step which many filmmakers refuse to do. Well done. Score: 8.5.
Special Effects: WOW. If you're a slap-jaw monkey man who goes to movies to get blown away, then this is the perfect erection for you. No expense has been wasted by the whoring Marvel in drawing in the popcorn crowd. The Ghost Rider transformation and the hellfire are especially impressive. They were astonishing... in the veins of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I loved it. Score: 10.
Score/Soundtrack: Again, good and bad. Some of this is the editor's fault, while some is the score itself. At times, it's weak. Then again, the special effects dominate the entire picture. Score: 5.
Primary Cast: Nicholas Cage has found his role. It's not rushed or forced like his roles in Con Air and National Treasure. Cage balances humor, action, emotion, and performance. Eva Mendes? Mostly eye candy, with a few notable scenes. Score: 7.5 (for Cage).
Supporting Cast: I'm focusing on Wes Bentley and Peter Fonda. Wes Bentley is difficult to watch, in a really bad way. He and the editor seem to have slept in the same bed. Blackheart isn't frightening... and seems to fall into the weak parts of the editing and the cliche lines. He is Marvel's wet dream: a somewhat accomplished actor who will spill out silly dialogue and ruin a possibly effective character. Peter Fonda, however, is very good. If the script were better, he could have some consideration for some sort of award. Score: 5.
I know I offend Marvel lovers, but your company... is a whore. You get at least two to three films a year, and are making some of the dumbest properties to hit the screen, and they'll all get sequels--due to the moron factor. However, Ghost Rider is a fun movie. It's better than Daredevil, Elektra, and Spider-Man 2 (don't get me started). It's not as good as the X-Men franchise. With better editing and dialogue, it could be. See it for special effects and Nicholas Cage. Know it's a Marvel movie, and you'll be fine. I know my friend Travis is a Ghost Rider nut, so maybe he can fill in the Ghost Rider lore for me.
Total Score: 63.
Rating: 7.

The Prestige (2006)

The following is a review for "The Prestige," which I did back on 11/14/2006. It's the best film of 2006, and here's why:
THE PRESTIGE (2006)
Christopher Nolan is quickly etching himself among the elite of Hollywood's directors. His follow-up to the 2005 success Batman Begins is an adaptation of Christopher Guest's novel, "The Prestige." A mostly strong cast, powerful cinematography, effective editing, and a well-woven and deceptive story make this film one of the rare gems of 2006.Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman, Swordfish) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale, The Dark Knight) are rival magicians at the turn-of-the-century London. Their rivalry is the centerpiece of the film, and surrounded by a slew of thought-provoking characters—Cutter (Michael Caine, Batman Begins), Julia Angier (Piper Perabo, Ashes), Sarah Borden (Rebecca Hall, Starter For Ten), Nikolas Tesla (David Bowie, Labyrinth), Alley (Andy Serkis, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers), and Owens (Roger Rees, Robin Hood: Men in Tights).
Despite strong performances all around, the weakness of the film is the casting of Scarlett Johansson (Mary, Queen of Scots) as Olivia Wenscombe. Johnansson is merely fodder for Bale, Jackman, and Caine. One may question this odd trend in Nolan's films, merely to grab the MTV young male demographic. Johansson is much like Katie Holmes in Batman Begins—she is outclassed and outperformed by her cast-mates. Johansson is also outdone by Piper Perabo, in a surprisingly powerful performance (yet her screen time is limited). One also wonders if a possible future Selina Kyle will go to a pretty face or a solid actress.
Much like all of Nolan's successes, the cinematography is a powerful piece of the picture. Oscar-nominee (2005, Batman Begins) Wally Pfister sets a flawless frame. Though most of the shots are hand-held, Pfister's vision once again meshes with Nolan's. We are drawn into a deceptive and provoking tale.
The editing sets an appropriate mood—deception. Lee Smith (The Dark Knight) changes the tempo of cuts with the tempo of the film. The seamless edits match each and every beat of the film. As the story tends to sway from one variable to another, the editing appropriately succeeds in complementing such frequent change.
The story is rooted in deception. Jonathan Nolan (The Dark Knight) adds multiple layers to each and every character. There are no definitive plot points, but a constant barrage of pinches, keeping the viewer's mind active and unable to form a thoughtful conclusion. The conclusion of the film borrows heavily from old radio shows (The Shadow, in particular).
This is one of the great films of the year. Despite Johansson's weaknesses, the cast is strong and the story hungrily draws in the viewer. This is not merely a warm-up to 2008, but a film rooted in intelligent deception while tinkering with the boundaries of fiction.
Overall rating: 9/10.

Kicking Bird (2005)

A little different from my normal layout. I reviewed this film after I got a chance to screen the DVD after a meeting with Mr. Baker in October of 2005; my last semester at WVSU.

KICKING BIRD
Independent filmmakers get very little credit. By chance, I received the opportunity to screen a some of the film "Kicking Bird" by Kelley Baker in duration of my final semester at WVSU. I purchased the DVD, and was overall pleased with the film.For those who don't enjoy the technical language of my normal review, the following is a watered down (as it took place before my refined system). Enjoy.
Kelley Baker's "Kicking Bird" is a thought-provoking look into the troubled life of a seventeen year old boy. The story is interconnected with the community, as if the viewer were observing it with a small looking glass, all the while knowing the story doesn't exist. The story is heightened reality—an enjoyable ride, but an almost overtly fictional one. Kelley Baker does an excellent job of planning his shots. He conveys his messages well in each frame. The central theme of the film is the foot-ward flight from danger.
Though Baker tends to push the point a little too far (Martin Johnson sleeps under the bridge, and perhaps has run away many of the friends he could have made), the themes are well drawn out and easily identifiable.
In a recent lecture, Kelley Baker conveyed the idea that his characters go through hell. The script exhaustively agrees. Baker uses harsh language to convey his harsh messages. Again, Baker shoves this down the viewer's throat (not in seductive and suttle intelligent banter). He uses the word "F*ck" as a comma (no, I'm not being prudish). As such, it isn't used for emphasis anymore. The language numbs the story to a point where the audience is no longer a participant of the story, but an observer. Baker's characters seem to be proving themselves and their "cool" to the audience. In this state, his characters are dehumanized and the believability is damaged. At times, the lines are flat-out ridiculous (a girl, after giving the coach oral sex, rises up, lifts her hands gleefully in the air, and asks "So, do I get an A?").
However, the general strength of the story tends to drown out the droning dialogue.The cast is above-average and enthusiastic (at times, too much: see girl/coach oral sex reference above). Ian Anderson-Priddy's "Martin 'Bird' Johnson" is a joy to view every time he makes an appearance. He gives a realistic, painful take on his role. His image undermines the character's intelligence—wherein shows his character's brilliance. "Bird" can outthink and outperform anyone he chooses, despite what the other characters may believe. The supporting cast is good, but they seem to be winking at the camera.
Danny Bruno's "Grandpa" is overplayed. His character and dialogue are good, but his affliction seems to bring out the worst in his character. However, it is hard to believe that his character is as physical as he tends to be (the believability of such takes away from the story a bit). Andrew Ox's "Digger" is numbed to stupidity. Unlike Bird, the script and story tend to make him dumber than what he truly is. The coach (Don Alder) is also a bit unbelievable. He sleeps with students, and is manipulative beyond comprehension. He also seems to manipulate beyond the scope of the performance. As such, the part comes across as silly rather than pitiful (in the modern setting of schools… one would think that the coach would have gotten caught in his sexual misdeeds).
The bright spots in the supporting cast are Stephanie Sidney's "Shelley" and Meriwether Snipes "Mandy." Unfortunately, the two are grossly under-used. They are not much more than filler, though they are representative of the "real world" trying to reach out to Bird and Digger. Furthermore, as Bird is lacking in other relationships, one would think he would at least attempt to cultivate one with Shelley (however, this may be one of the "points" Kelley Baker is trying to make—Bird is a human, and as such, makes a lot of foolish mistakes).
The lighting and sound are superior. The environment is portrayed in a film-noir like sense of dreariness and hopelessness, which speaks louder than the dialogue or performances. The characters blend in with the background, as if they are infused with the lackluster existence. The character's lines are clear and crisp (but this is a given, taking Baker's experience with previous large-budget films).
Despite the inadequacies of performance and dialogue, Kelley Baker presents an intense, immersing story. Each frame makes a statement. Baker does not divert from his central theme—when all else fails (people or events), running is the ultimate solution. The main character displays a multiplicity of brilliance and talent, despite his surroundings. The film works. Unlike other independent films, I recommend it to those who want to see a satisfactory independent motion picture. My final score: 8/10.
P.S.: Mr. Baker is a very, very cool fellow. I highly suggest meeting him.

Dracula (1931)

I love classic horror films. The Phantom of the Opera (1925). Frankenstein (1931). The Wolf-Man (1941). The Mummy (1932). These were the films which spawned legends: Lon Chaney, Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney, Jr. When Universal began to look into fusing the horror genre into their studio, they looked far and wide for a leading man. They found one in an ex-Hungarian patriot. Add in a veteran of silent films, and you have the greatest horror film of all-time.

Dracula (1931) is the beginning of the talking horror films, launching Universal into the horror business and defining the genre for decades.

Direction: Tod Browning knew exactly what he was doing when he cast and set-up the legendary film. Browning's lengthy use of silent film techniques may have the viewer thinking that he wasn't comfortable using sound. Don't make that mistake. The use of silence and long shots are exactly what makes the film so great and distinctive. There is no better director from the 1930's. Score: 10.

Production: Carl Laemmle, Jr. was a very patient man in waiting for the project to develop. He could have easily axed the project after the death of Lon Chaney (the studio's original choice to don the cape). Some of the decisions are questionable, such as the abrupt changes of technology from Transylvania to London. Yet, the film is so obsessive-compulsive that it is of little consequence. Score: 9.

Cinematography: Karl Freund. The genius of the frame is a flawless mesh with Browning's vision. It was so much so that Browning took a "hands-off" approach. The result? Long shots, as if the viewer were drawn and forced to watch the uncomfortable and compelling seduction of Dracula. Freund also shot Metropolis (1927). The long shots do tend to slow down the film in certain scenes, though. Score: 9.

Script: If you're expecting something like Bram Stoker's book, forget it. Why? Budget costs. Originally, Universal intended to produce a carbon copy of the book (along the lines of the BBC's Count Dracula, 1977.) This film is from the play from Hamilton Deane. As such, more emphasis on the scenes with Jonathan, Mina, and Dr. Seward. And it works! The dialogue itself is layered with humor, disgust, and genuine fright. Let us not forget, Lugosi was a legend after his very first line. Score: 9.

Editing: Though the technology was limited at best, one must understand that the long cuts were the story of the day. Long edits are inappropriate at some points, but this is a result from the Browning/Freund influence. Because today's audiences have such a short attention span, it may be boring. However, from a filmmaking and creative standpoint, it is genius. Score: 9.

Costumes/Art Direction: Everyone knows what Dracula is supposed to look like. Not only do the costumes and design mesh from the era, but they give a definitive look for each and every character. The sets? Spectacular. Yet I'm going to bring up the question. What the hell is up with the armadillos? Score: 9.

Special Effects: This movie doesn't need too much of it. What effects are used is primarily composed of the ship, which is a bit short. If you are a special effects junkie, try The Invisible Man (1933). Dracula is not about special effects, and that's a good thing. Score: 9.

Score/Soundtrack: There are two versions of this film musically. The first is the original, which uses silence to its advantage. The second score was composed by Philip Glass with the film's re-release in 1999. Both are magnificient. Try the first one first though. Score: 10.

Primary Cast: Bela Lugosi showed us forever exactly what Dracula should look like, how he should speak, how he should walk, and how he should act. Unfortunately, this is the role which typecasted him for centuries to come. In his own words, "Dracula is both a blessing and a curse." This is because he is so good at it. The accented English is exactly what the role needed. Few roles are so deeply and ultimately defined. Score: 10.

Supporting Cast: Dwight Frye, Edward Van Sloan, and David Manners all got their jump in careers from this film. They are not fodder for Lugosi, but well-rounded pieces of the story. They each have their niche and perform it well. Some of the females did a bit of overacting, but again... note the times. Score: 9.

Total Score: 93. Final Score: 10.

There is no better horror movie. Not only does it stand the test of time, but it is still scary. Am I Dracula bias? Of course. But much like a looking glass, the more you look... the more you see. Bela Lugosi is a legend, and this film is the reason.

DVD. I have not seen the 75th Anniversary Collection. However, the features from the Legacy Collection are outrageous. Both the original and Philip Glass soundtracks are available. Furthermore, the Spanish version of Dracula, is also present in the DVD collection. Dracula's Daughter, House of Dracula (1945) are also included. Buy it today. Seriously.

-Stephen Sommers on Universal's Classic Monster: Dracula

-The Road to Dracula, an original Documentary

-Dracula: Poster and Photo Montage

-Dracula Theatrical Trailer

-Feature Commentary with Film Historian David J. Skal

The Mark of Zorro (1920)

In 1919, Johnston McCulley created a legacy in The Curse of Capistrano. The work marked the debut of Zorro, the predecessor to our beloved Dark Knight. On November 27, 1920, Douglas Fairbanks Pictures Corporation (later United Artists) released The Mark of Zorro, the first action/adventure (and comic book) film to grace the silver screen. Whoever says films deviate too much from the source material is absolutely correct. They should take a lesson from Fred Niblo’s classic.

The result is a romantic, awe-inspiring, breathless piece of cinema. There are no ridiculous lines, no ludicrous CGI, no shoddy performances. It is simply devastating to the senses.

Direction: Fred Niblo knew exactly what he was doing when he asked Douglas Fairbanks to etch The Mark of Zorro. Niblo is the consummate manipulator, using brilliant timing of action choreography, ingenious comic relief, douses of sexuality, and an innate sense of exhilaration to give silent movie audiences the time of their lives. Score: 9.5.

Production: Rehashing sets is one of the legacies of silent cinema. Guess what? Niblo breaks tradition here as well, using the San Fernando Valley and Shadow Hills in Los Angeles to create ambiance. The result is absolutely breathtaking. Score: 10.

Cinematography: While many of the shots are stagnant, they are exceptionally well planned and staged. The scenery and the performances seem to play off of each other. Fantastic set lighting only further enhances the experience. Score: 10.

Editing: Welcome to the birth of the reaction shot. The timing is oddly appropriate. Silent films usually garner a lower score, yet this is an exception.Score: 10.

Costuming/Art Direction: Authenticity is key here. The audience can actually believe in the story. The costumes are dazzling and exceptional, though some of the extras have bulging errors. A minor setback, however. Score: 10.

Script/Story: Fan-freaking-tastic. If you’ve read the book (and I HIGHLY encourage it), you see little to no deviation whatsoever. I love that book, and I love this film. Love, passion, action, and humiliation… and I savor every single frame. Score: 10.

Special Effects: It’s no lie. Mr. Fairbanks does all his own stunts, and some will genuinely shock audiences. A smoky, romantic atmosphere helps establish the film. Score: 10.

Score/Soundtrack: It’s a silent film. A score isn’t really applicable until 1970, when William Perry created music. The result is a little disappointing. Score: 5.

Primary Cast: Fairbanks, Robert McKim, and Marguerite De La Motte are at their best. Fairbanks is the sword-wielding demon, the legend from which all other superheroes derive. Robert McKim makes a calculating, thoughtful foe. De La Motte is beautiful and a perfect feminine foil for Fairbanks. Score: 10.

Supporting Cast: Noah Berry’s Sergeant Gonzalez and George Periolat overdo it a bit, even in silent film terms. The rest of the cast is solid and only add to the spectacular atmosphere. Score: 8.5.

Total Points: 93
Final Score: 10

The Mark of Zorro is one of the most underrated films of all time. There are so many adjectives I deem necessary to describe it, but they would take up an entire page. Even if you’re not a fan of silent films, you’ll love this movie. And if you don’t, you need smacked.