Hello all,
I've seen 15 films this year in theatres. I have yet to see Sherlock Holmes (hence, the title) or Nine (Kristen's influence). 15 is about an average year quantity wise.
Quality? There were a handful of films which I really liked, but none I loved. Two are what I consider "great" (because the standard is so low), but none I'd give a 9/10. The maximum is 8. Please note that these are only ones I've seen in the theaters. I've seen more on video and in class.
So, from worst to best...
15. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.
Kristen loves Kristin Kreuk and Chun-Li, and that's why I saw it. From the poo-poo acting to the camera winks, it's a pile of shit. In fact, Kristin K. was the only redeemable thing about the movie.
14. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
I don't need to go into detail. It's really that bad.
13. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.
While the first film was creative and new, the sequel got old fast.
12. New Moon.
As long as you put it in its proper context, it's watchable. Please remember it's not a horror movie. The films are much better than the books, which make me want to hurt myself.
11. Paranormal Activity.
Bad ending. Descent premise. A big upgrade from Blair Witch, though neither are really scary.
10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
A little underrated. Liev Schreiber and Ryan Reynolds are what makes the movie tick.
9. Watchmen.
Overrated and a little long. Though everyone loves Rorschach, Jeffrey Dean Morgan made this movie for me.
8. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.
Much better on a second viewing. Ties up the Underworld mythology nicely.
7. Bruno.
Not as good as Borat, but close. Inappropriate and hilarious, right up my alley.
6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Not as good as Order of the Phoenix, but enjoyable. Alan Rickman needed much more screen time.
5. Public Enemies.
Michael Mann gangster film. No need to explain.
4. A Christmas Carol.
An unexpected pleasure. Beautiful and a little creepy.
3. Earth.
Breathtaking and gut-wrenching.
2. The Princess and the Frog.
I laughed more in this movie than I have at any other this year. It's about time they had an African-American princess. Please, Disney... do this style of animation over Pixar.
1. Terminator Salvation.
Great story and even better special effects. Highly underrated and deserving of a sequel.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Bad Drivers and How I Deal With Them
I always thought I was a descent driver. I had a few nicks early in my career, but nothing terrible to speak of.
When I visited California in Dec. '05, it was a new world. No cops and too many rich people... horrible driving conditions. Stop lights and turning signals did not exist. The speed limit seemed like a myth.
I came home, finding it easier to avoid bad things after driving in California. To be honest, West Virginia is a little better than CA. But...
...Super Bowl time last year I went to Southridge Shopping Center (the unfortunate social center of Charleston). I got smashed in the rear by one of the many chaotic fools on the road.
Fortunately, I was in the middle of a defensive driving course required for my job. I thought initially thought it was bullshit (like most of what the government thinks is good). But, I learned a few things which have saved my ass more than twice.
1. Slow the fuck down. There's no real reason to speed. I formerly was an extremely impatient fellow. Then I started to calm down and use the cruise control. The more I observed my fellow motorists, the more idiotic the roadways became.
Most people speed, and get pissed when they're stuck behind you when you don't speed. I drive at the speed limit, and folks still zip by me in absolute rage. There is no line, and people are in too much of a hurry. The NASCAR mentality may have something to do with this, but I believe most drivers are just impatient pricks.
2. Keep a good following distance. I do not tailgate. I will not tailgate. Fuckface who tailgated ran into my ass. If it means slowing down, do it. I've heard more than once that "I'm a good driver" while riding someone's ass.
I actually called the cops on a truck driver who flashed his lights at me and attempted to ram me because I decided to go the speed limit. Long story short, that motherfucker doesn't work there anymore. There is no reason to ride someone's ass.
3. Stay off the phone. That's pretty simple. If you must use the phone, at least put it on speaker. I have a passenger handle that shit. It also saved my neck.
...just thought I'd like to pass that along.
---------------------------
Funny story.
Usually yelling swear words at drivers gets them to back off or at least pass you. A couple weeks ago, a woman on the cell phone in a nicely pressed van didn't seem to respond to "fuck." So I pulled out something original. I usually leave folks alone, but she was being an asshole.
I rolled out the window, and yelled: "YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" That seemed to work as she slowed down and hung up her little Iphone. In fact, it worked a lot better than "fuck." Shouting things which folks can't respond to usually gets best results.
"Stop touching yourself" is next.
---------------------------
So please... for the sake of all descent mamma-jamma's, try to drive a little better. Wherever you're going and whatever you're going to will still be there, I swear.
Save the close contact for the bedroom.
Cheers,
LB
When I visited California in Dec. '05, it was a new world. No cops and too many rich people... horrible driving conditions. Stop lights and turning signals did not exist. The speed limit seemed like a myth.
I came home, finding it easier to avoid bad things after driving in California. To be honest, West Virginia is a little better than CA. But...
...Super Bowl time last year I went to Southridge Shopping Center (the unfortunate social center of Charleston). I got smashed in the rear by one of the many chaotic fools on the road.
Fortunately, I was in the middle of a defensive driving course required for my job. I thought initially thought it was bullshit (like most of what the government thinks is good). But, I learned a few things which have saved my ass more than twice.
1. Slow the fuck down. There's no real reason to speed. I formerly was an extremely impatient fellow. Then I started to calm down and use the cruise control. The more I observed my fellow motorists, the more idiotic the roadways became.
Most people speed, and get pissed when they're stuck behind you when you don't speed. I drive at the speed limit, and folks still zip by me in absolute rage. There is no line, and people are in too much of a hurry. The NASCAR mentality may have something to do with this, but I believe most drivers are just impatient pricks.
2. Keep a good following distance. I do not tailgate. I will not tailgate. Fuckface who tailgated ran into my ass. If it means slowing down, do it. I've heard more than once that "I'm a good driver" while riding someone's ass.
I actually called the cops on a truck driver who flashed his lights at me and attempted to ram me because I decided to go the speed limit. Long story short, that motherfucker doesn't work there anymore. There is no reason to ride someone's ass.
3. Stay off the phone. That's pretty simple. If you must use the phone, at least put it on speaker. I have a passenger handle that shit. It also saved my neck.
...just thought I'd like to pass that along.
---------------------------
Funny story.
Usually yelling swear words at drivers gets them to back off or at least pass you. A couple weeks ago, a woman on the cell phone in a nicely pressed van didn't seem to respond to "fuck." So I pulled out something original. I usually leave folks alone, but she was being an asshole.
I rolled out the window, and yelled: "YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" That seemed to work as she slowed down and hung up her little Iphone. In fact, it worked a lot better than "fuck." Shouting things which folks can't respond to usually gets best results.
"Stop touching yourself" is next.
---------------------------
So please... for the sake of all descent mamma-jamma's, try to drive a little better. Wherever you're going and whatever you're going to will still be there, I swear.
Save the close contact for the bedroom.
Cheers,
LB
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Blogging New Moon: A Review
The following are thoughts from the movie “New Moon.” I’ve never reviewed in this style yet, so it’ll be entertaining. I read the book before the movie, and it was absolutely dreadful. Useful as toilet paper, but not much else. Do keep in mind that these books and films aren’t from the horror genre.
Spoilers ahead.
---------------------------------
“Let’s get it over with,” said Kristen after a meal from Bob Evans.
We went to see Twilight last year with the idea that it would be the worst movie ever. I’m expecting New Moon to blow.
I ask the chick who got our tickets if the actors look as stoned as they are in real life. She holds back a huge ferocious laugh.
----------------------
Sherlock Holmes! I wonder if anyone reads Conan Doyle anymore.
I see at least 26 iphones. Oi. Yuppies anonymous.
Ha! Alec Baldwin said “omg” in a trailer. Talk about reading the crowd.
-----------------------
Wow, Bella actually doesn’t look stoned.
Robert Pattison in slow-mo is ridiculous. I’m officially pissed off. Some girl in the front row wet herself apparently.
Edward looks like he has mudbutt. Maybe that’s why he’s so sad. Can sparklepires have mudbutt?
The music sucks.
Helllloooooo Ashley Greene.
I like the dude who plays Bella’s dad (Bill something). He seems to humanize things.
Wow, they actually gave the guy who played Emmitt Cullen a line.
Peter Facinelli needs more to do with his character.
Edward is leaving Bella. Did that dude sitting behind me start crying?
Bella looks stoned again. Maybe the intermittent drug use is for dramatic effect.
Kristen Stewart is doing a good job. Better than the first.
My wife has really nice hands. Oh yeah, a movie’s playing.
Laurent is not a bad part to play. Too bad he’s going to be dog food.
Awww, how cute! The werewolves make me want to adopt a puppy.
Bad CGI withstanding, the movement of the wolves is interesting.
They shaved Jacob Black’s hair. I guess the werewolves have some sort of de-fro’ ing ritual.
Werewolves don’t need shirts. They’re weatherproof.
Bella’s happy again now that she got her ass out of the house. Again, she looks less stoned.
Now she’s a danger junkie and addicted to speed (pun intended).
This music really does suck. They’ve lost the whiny guitar from the first movie that sounds like a cat taking a dump, but this is worse.
This movie is much better than the book (so was the first one).
Bella, doing a failed Superman impression, jumps into the water.
Ashley Greene’s back. Hallelujah.
Edward smashed his iphone. Good for him. The world needs less of them.
Something about Edward listening to country music and he wants to hang himself for it. I don’t blame him. Too much Conway Twitty can do that to a person.
Sparklepires are required by screenwriting law to drive fast.
Nice shot of the Italian festival.
Edward is shirtless again. Did that dude behind me gasp? As long as he keeps his hands to himself, we’re good.
I can already smell the perverts ready for Dakota Fanning. I guess Hugh Hefner will be buzzing her before long.
Hey look, it’s Colossus…
…and they still haven’t given him a line. I guess the X-Men people spread the word.
Michael Sheen looks like he’s having fun.
The Volturi’s eyes actually look disturbing. Good job.
Colossus smash!
Does the dude behind me realize this isn’t real?
Edward’s back, and he’s ready for pooty.
Another line for Emmitt Cullen. Up yours, Matrix!
Edward’s mad at his family. Somebody needs to give him a hug.
So if Bella gets hitched to Edward, will that at least make him cheer up?
------------------------
Not a bad movie. The filmmakers did a hell of a job considering the material. While Stephanie Meyer should be arrested for crimes against literature, the movies so far aren’t that bad. They’re worth watching.
Most of the actors did a nice job. Edward’s lines are weak, but Pattison did what he could. Kristen Stewart has improved greatly. The slow motion has got to go. Someone needs to get a grip on that. The music was flat out horrible and inappropriate. The supporting cast seems to steal the spotlight at times, and that really isn’t a bad thing. The movie is nice to look at.
I’m really surprised the filmmakers made this book watchable. Bonus point to Edward for smashing an iphone.
5/10.
Spoilers ahead.
---------------------------------
“Let’s get it over with,” said Kristen after a meal from Bob Evans.
We went to see Twilight last year with the idea that it would be the worst movie ever. I’m expecting New Moon to blow.
I ask the chick who got our tickets if the actors look as stoned as they are in real life. She holds back a huge ferocious laugh.
----------------------
Sherlock Holmes! I wonder if anyone reads Conan Doyle anymore.
I see at least 26 iphones. Oi. Yuppies anonymous.
Ha! Alec Baldwin said “omg” in a trailer. Talk about reading the crowd.
-----------------------
Wow, Bella actually doesn’t look stoned.
Robert Pattison in slow-mo is ridiculous. I’m officially pissed off. Some girl in the front row wet herself apparently.
Edward looks like he has mudbutt. Maybe that’s why he’s so sad. Can sparklepires have mudbutt?
The music sucks.
Helllloooooo Ashley Greene.
I like the dude who plays Bella’s dad (Bill something). He seems to humanize things.
Wow, they actually gave the guy who played Emmitt Cullen a line.
Peter Facinelli needs more to do with his character.
Edward is leaving Bella. Did that dude sitting behind me start crying?
Bella looks stoned again. Maybe the intermittent drug use is for dramatic effect.
Kristen Stewart is doing a good job. Better than the first.
My wife has really nice hands. Oh yeah, a movie’s playing.
Laurent is not a bad part to play. Too bad he’s going to be dog food.
Awww, how cute! The werewolves make me want to adopt a puppy.
Bad CGI withstanding, the movement of the wolves is interesting.
They shaved Jacob Black’s hair. I guess the werewolves have some sort of de-fro’ ing ritual.
Werewolves don’t need shirts. They’re weatherproof.
Bella’s happy again now that she got her ass out of the house. Again, she looks less stoned.
Now she’s a danger junkie and addicted to speed (pun intended).
This music really does suck. They’ve lost the whiny guitar from the first movie that sounds like a cat taking a dump, but this is worse.
This movie is much better than the book (so was the first one).
Bella, doing a failed Superman impression, jumps into the water.
Ashley Greene’s back. Hallelujah.
Edward smashed his iphone. Good for him. The world needs less of them.
Something about Edward listening to country music and he wants to hang himself for it. I don’t blame him. Too much Conway Twitty can do that to a person.
Sparklepires are required by screenwriting law to drive fast.
Nice shot of the Italian festival.
Edward is shirtless again. Did that dude behind me gasp? As long as he keeps his hands to himself, we’re good.
I can already smell the perverts ready for Dakota Fanning. I guess Hugh Hefner will be buzzing her before long.
Hey look, it’s Colossus…
…and they still haven’t given him a line. I guess the X-Men people spread the word.
Michael Sheen looks like he’s having fun.
The Volturi’s eyes actually look disturbing. Good job.
Colossus smash!
Does the dude behind me realize this isn’t real?
Edward’s back, and he’s ready for pooty.
Another line for Emmitt Cullen. Up yours, Matrix!
Edward’s mad at his family. Somebody needs to give him a hug.
So if Bella gets hitched to Edward, will that at least make him cheer up?
------------------------
Not a bad movie. The filmmakers did a hell of a job considering the material. While Stephanie Meyer should be arrested for crimes against literature, the movies so far aren’t that bad. They’re worth watching.
Most of the actors did a nice job. Edward’s lines are weak, but Pattison did what he could. Kristen Stewart has improved greatly. The slow motion has got to go. Someone needs to get a grip on that. The music was flat out horrible and inappropriate. The supporting cast seems to steal the spotlight at times, and that really isn’t a bad thing. The movie is nice to look at.
I’m really surprised the filmmakers made this book watchable. Bonus point to Edward for smashing an iphone.
5/10.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wishes From the Disenchanted
1. To wistfully surrender to another sweet kiss.
2. More happiness. Everybody needs it.
3. Someone to shut up Chris Dodd
4. While they're at it... Michelle Bachmann, Roland Burris, Sarah Palin, Al Sharpton, and the hundreds of political entities who annoy the everloving piss out of me.
5. A Dark Knight sequel involving Two-Face (call me crazy, but I don't care).
6. Conservatives who accept gays, and hippies that shave and bathe (paraphrasing Patton Oswalt).
7. A rationale explanation on why the public allows Hollywood to mass produce shit (.
8. Another vacation. It did me a lot of good.
9. A quick extinction for reality television.
10. Money in my pocket so my wife and I can have a child.
11. A really great semester.
12. An even better Christmas.
13. My thesis (all three of them) to royally kick ass.
14. To visit Europe.
15. To find one political figure who doesn't cheat on their spouses.
16. Another great John Grisham book.
17. For the BBC to dramatize some more stories.
18. To own the Complete Conan Doyle Sherlock Holmes collection from the above listed company. But, it's expensive.
19. For someone to actually do something about poverty, especially in West Virginia.
20. For my neighbors to finally run out of their endless supply of fireworks, which wake me every night until 2 A.M.
R.I.P. Michael Jackson.
2. More happiness. Everybody needs it.
3. Someone to shut up Chris Dodd
4. While they're at it... Michelle Bachmann, Roland Burris, Sarah Palin, Al Sharpton, and the hundreds of political entities who annoy the everloving piss out of me.
5. A Dark Knight sequel involving Two-Face (call me crazy, but I don't care).
6. Conservatives who accept gays, and hippies that shave and bathe (paraphrasing Patton Oswalt).
7. A rationale explanation on why the public allows Hollywood to mass produce shit (.
8. Another vacation. It did me a lot of good.
9. A quick extinction for reality television.
10. Money in my pocket so my wife and I can have a child.
11. A really great semester.
12. An even better Christmas.
13. My thesis (all three of them) to royally kick ass.
14. To visit Europe.
15. To find one political figure who doesn't cheat on their spouses.
16. Another great John Grisham book.
17. For the BBC to dramatize some more stories.
18. To own the Complete Conan Doyle Sherlock Holmes collection from the above listed company. But, it's expensive.
19. For someone to actually do something about poverty, especially in West Virginia.
20. For my neighbors to finally run out of their endless supply of fireworks, which wake me every night until 2 A.M.
R.I.P. Michael Jackson.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Waterboarding...
I've got some bad news for everyone involved in this argument... there are no winners.
Waterboarding is torture. No delusion can ever change that. Unfortunately, sometimes... that's our only option. My friends on the left are going to hate this, but I'll explain.
Say we've caught Killer A. Killer A is part of an organization which plans to hit the U.S. with another bomb. That bomb is on a plane heading for the U.S., and it plans to detonate in one hour. You've exhausted diplomacy, bargaining, and psychological intimidation. The clock is ticking. Thousands of lives are in the process. Would you?
Bringing it closer to home, say someone abducted the one you love. Say you've got the criminal, and you can't open the combination lock to free that person you love. Time is ticking. Law enforcement is nowhere to be found. The criminal isn't budging. What would you do?
You'd do it. I'd do it, and I have the stones to admit it. I am in no way endorsing some sort of Batman-ish vigilante style violence... but you get my point.
At times, torture is the only option. However, it should only be used as a final option to the worst of circumstances. I'm open to listening to comments.
The Bush Administration is another freaking story. The more evidence released, the more it looks like the reasoning behind the waterboarding was political. However, not all of the information was released.
Here's my take: Cheney and friends authorized torture. They did it as a knee-jerk reaction to a post-9/11 world. It's been done before (Cromwell, Stalin), and it will unfortunately be done again. That doesn't make it right, but there may have been some truly good reasoning behind it. If waterboarding performed the function per my reasoning above, I'll bite. However, the number of times waterboarding took place per individual is questionable.
And if any of you think Pelosi or the high level Democrats are innocent or oblivious on this, think again. If it comes out that our worst fears are confirmed, then Pelosi should be behind bars with "Dead Eye Dick."
Any questions?
Waterboarding is torture. No delusion can ever change that. Unfortunately, sometimes... that's our only option. My friends on the left are going to hate this, but I'll explain.
Say we've caught Killer A. Killer A is part of an organization which plans to hit the U.S. with another bomb. That bomb is on a plane heading for the U.S., and it plans to detonate in one hour. You've exhausted diplomacy, bargaining, and psychological intimidation. The clock is ticking. Thousands of lives are in the process. Would you?
Bringing it closer to home, say someone abducted the one you love. Say you've got the criminal, and you can't open the combination lock to free that person you love. Time is ticking. Law enforcement is nowhere to be found. The criminal isn't budging. What would you do?
You'd do it. I'd do it, and I have the stones to admit it. I am in no way endorsing some sort of Batman-ish vigilante style violence... but you get my point.
At times, torture is the only option. However, it should only be used as a final option to the worst of circumstances. I'm open to listening to comments.
The Bush Administration is another freaking story. The more evidence released, the more it looks like the reasoning behind the waterboarding was political. However, not all of the information was released.
Here's my take: Cheney and friends authorized torture. They did it as a knee-jerk reaction to a post-9/11 world. It's been done before (Cromwell, Stalin), and it will unfortunately be done again. That doesn't make it right, but there may have been some truly good reasoning behind it. If waterboarding performed the function per my reasoning above, I'll bite. However, the number of times waterboarding took place per individual is questionable.
And if any of you think Pelosi or the high level Democrats are innocent or oblivious on this, think again. If it comes out that our worst fears are confirmed, then Pelosi should be behind bars with "Dead Eye Dick."
Any questions?
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