Hello all,
I promise not to bore you with details of these films, but some need an honest opinion. Since you spend your hard-earned (or inherited) money, you may need some guidance in how to spend it. I have never seen so many films in a five month span (though it may seem like I do). So, here goes:
11. Percy Jackson & the Olympians. 4.5/10
What Worked: The cinematography and special effects. Then again, that's a given in modern cinema, isn't it?
What Didn't: The story. Can anyone explain to me the goal of the story? The acting needed also needed some help.
Try This Movie Instead: This film was an attempt to gain money off of the rush of Greek mythology stuff (Clash of the Titans). It combined Harry Potter with Greek stuff. Try the Harry Potter series for better results.
10. Daybreakers. 5/10.
What Worked: The editing and a lack of slow-motion. Unlike the slow-mo fest of such films as Blade: Trinity, it allowed the violence actually happen. Good performances by the lead actors.
What Didn't: Lost most modern horror, it was a gross-out fest. How to make you sick in 90 minutes without scaring you.
Try This Movie Instead: Interview With the Vampire
9. Valentine's Day. 6.5/10.
What Worked: Pretty girls, and simple sub-stories. Anne Hathaway was particularly good.
What Didn't: Fitting too much into the script.
Try This Movie Instead: This movie tries mightily to be Love Actually, and misses.
8. Iron Man 2. 6.5/10.
What Worked: Special effects, the primary cast.
What Didn't: This movie was totally rushed. The first half especially so. The female characters had no substance whatsoever. The obligatory "wink at the camera" in a Marvel movie.
Try These Instead: The Incredible Hulk, Blade (1998).
7. Legion. 7/10.
What Worked: Strong cast, simple story. Creepy old people.
What Didn't: Way too fast. Throw-away dialogue.
Try This Movie Instead: The Prophecy.
6. Clash of the Titans. 7/10.
What Worked: Thoughtful sequences. Great animation. Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and all of the other cast except...
What Didn't: Sam Worthington. Somebody get this guy some face-acting lessons and keep his ass in Terminator: Salvation. Good grief. Don't watch this in 3D unless you want your eyes to hurt.
Try This Movie Instead: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
5. Alice in Wonderland. 7/10.
What Worked: A strong cast, lead and supporting. Anne Hathaway again steals the show. Nice things to look at. 3D is good.
What Didn't: The Tim Burton factor. I am fully aware of his popularity, but the cast looked like life-size corpses. This is also at least the second Tim Burton movie in which Johnny Depp looks like a reject from Dracula A.D. 1972 (the other being Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).
Try This Movie: It is worth seeing. Some, perhaps most, will love it. I'd see it again.
4. Oceans. 8/10.
What Worked: Spectacular footage and ridiculously cute animals. It's gorgeous.
What Didn't: A touch too political and a bit too short.
See It: It's better than Earth. Maybe the DVD will have some bonus footage.
3. The Lovely Bones. 8/10.
What Worked: I was pleasantly surprised by everything. Solid all the way around. Nice to listen to and look at. Peter Jackson's best movie.
What Didn't: The ending didn't fit at all with the theme of the film.
Buy It: It literally has something for everyone. Take it in its proper context, and you've got a gem.
2. The Wolfman. 8/10.
What Worked: The performances, editing, and the violence. The werewolves were brutal. It's refreshing to see females shine, and Emily Blunt was wonderful. Anthony Hopkins, Benicio Del Toro, and Hugo Weaving were their usual effective selves.
What Didn't: The first few minutes of the movie were way too fast. Character development is key. The fate of Anthony Hopkins's character rubbed me the wrong way and was a little cheap.
Am I Hearing You Correctly?: Yes, I liked it better than the original. I almost never say things like that. Guess what? A Director's Cut DVD is coming, making me all the more happy.
1. How To Train Your Dragon. 9/10.
What Worked: Where did this movie come from? A clean, simple story. Cute dragons. Great animation. Splendid voice performances. Funny Vikings.
What Didn't: Some of the dialogue was out of place. You could really tell with Gerard Butler's.
So Far, It's Tops: Pleasing. Potentially addictive for adults and kids.
Comments and gripes welcome.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Wish List For 2010
10 being most important.
1. More happiness.
2. Social justice.
3. Given my deserved compensation.
4. One empathetic friend.
5. Nice things to look at and listen to.
6. Generous hours of peace per day.
7. Improved health.
8. My path to be revealed.
9. The best year of my life.
10. Kristen's happiness.
1. More happiness.
2. Social justice.
3. Given my deserved compensation.
4. One empathetic friend.
5. Nice things to look at and listen to.
6. Generous hours of peace per day.
7. Improved health.
8. My path to be revealed.
9. The best year of my life.
10. Kristen's happiness.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Pre-Sherlock Holmes Favorite Film List of 2009
Hello all,
I've seen 15 films this year in theatres. I have yet to see Sherlock Holmes (hence, the title) or Nine (Kristen's influence). 15 is about an average year quantity wise.
Quality? There were a handful of films which I really liked, but none I loved. Two are what I consider "great" (because the standard is so low), but none I'd give a 9/10. The maximum is 8. Please note that these are only ones I've seen in the theaters. I've seen more on video and in class.
So, from worst to best...
15. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.
Kristen loves Kristin Kreuk and Chun-Li, and that's why I saw it. From the poo-poo acting to the camera winks, it's a pile of shit. In fact, Kristin K. was the only redeemable thing about the movie.
14. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
I don't need to go into detail. It's really that bad.
13. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.
While the first film was creative and new, the sequel got old fast.
12. New Moon.
As long as you put it in its proper context, it's watchable. Please remember it's not a horror movie. The films are much better than the books, which make me want to hurt myself.
11. Paranormal Activity.
Bad ending. Descent premise. A big upgrade from Blair Witch, though neither are really scary.
10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
A little underrated. Liev Schreiber and Ryan Reynolds are what makes the movie tick.
9. Watchmen.
Overrated and a little long. Though everyone loves Rorschach, Jeffrey Dean Morgan made this movie for me.
8. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.
Much better on a second viewing. Ties up the Underworld mythology nicely.
7. Bruno.
Not as good as Borat, but close. Inappropriate and hilarious, right up my alley.
6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Not as good as Order of the Phoenix, but enjoyable. Alan Rickman needed much more screen time.
5. Public Enemies.
Michael Mann gangster film. No need to explain.
4. A Christmas Carol.
An unexpected pleasure. Beautiful and a little creepy.
3. Earth.
Breathtaking and gut-wrenching.
2. The Princess and the Frog.
I laughed more in this movie than I have at any other this year. It's about time they had an African-American princess. Please, Disney... do this style of animation over Pixar.
1. Terminator Salvation.
Great story and even better special effects. Highly underrated and deserving of a sequel.
I've seen 15 films this year in theatres. I have yet to see Sherlock Holmes (hence, the title) or Nine (Kristen's influence). 15 is about an average year quantity wise.
Quality? There were a handful of films which I really liked, but none I loved. Two are what I consider "great" (because the standard is so low), but none I'd give a 9/10. The maximum is 8. Please note that these are only ones I've seen in the theaters. I've seen more on video and in class.
So, from worst to best...
15. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.
Kristen loves Kristin Kreuk and Chun-Li, and that's why I saw it. From the poo-poo acting to the camera winks, it's a pile of shit. In fact, Kristin K. was the only redeemable thing about the movie.
14. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
I don't need to go into detail. It's really that bad.
13. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.
While the first film was creative and new, the sequel got old fast.
12. New Moon.
As long as you put it in its proper context, it's watchable. Please remember it's not a horror movie. The films are much better than the books, which make me want to hurt myself.
11. Paranormal Activity.
Bad ending. Descent premise. A big upgrade from Blair Witch, though neither are really scary.
10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
A little underrated. Liev Schreiber and Ryan Reynolds are what makes the movie tick.
9. Watchmen.
Overrated and a little long. Though everyone loves Rorschach, Jeffrey Dean Morgan made this movie for me.
8. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.
Much better on a second viewing. Ties up the Underworld mythology nicely.
7. Bruno.
Not as good as Borat, but close. Inappropriate and hilarious, right up my alley.
6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Not as good as Order of the Phoenix, but enjoyable. Alan Rickman needed much more screen time.
5. Public Enemies.
Michael Mann gangster film. No need to explain.
4. A Christmas Carol.
An unexpected pleasure. Beautiful and a little creepy.
3. Earth.
Breathtaking and gut-wrenching.
2. The Princess and the Frog.
I laughed more in this movie than I have at any other this year. It's about time they had an African-American princess. Please, Disney... do this style of animation over Pixar.
1. Terminator Salvation.
Great story and even better special effects. Highly underrated and deserving of a sequel.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Bad Drivers and How I Deal With Them
I always thought I was a descent driver. I had a few nicks early in my career, but nothing terrible to speak of.
When I visited California in Dec. '05, it was a new world. No cops and too many rich people... horrible driving conditions. Stop lights and turning signals did not exist. The speed limit seemed like a myth.
I came home, finding it easier to avoid bad things after driving in California. To be honest, West Virginia is a little better than CA. But...
...Super Bowl time last year I went to Southridge Shopping Center (the unfortunate social center of Charleston). I got smashed in the rear by one of the many chaotic fools on the road.
Fortunately, I was in the middle of a defensive driving course required for my job. I thought initially thought it was bullshit (like most of what the government thinks is good). But, I learned a few things which have saved my ass more than twice.
1. Slow the fuck down. There's no real reason to speed. I formerly was an extremely impatient fellow. Then I started to calm down and use the cruise control. The more I observed my fellow motorists, the more idiotic the roadways became.
Most people speed, and get pissed when they're stuck behind you when you don't speed. I drive at the speed limit, and folks still zip by me in absolute rage. There is no line, and people are in too much of a hurry. The NASCAR mentality may have something to do with this, but I believe most drivers are just impatient pricks.
2. Keep a good following distance. I do not tailgate. I will not tailgate. Fuckface who tailgated ran into my ass. If it means slowing down, do it. I've heard more than once that "I'm a good driver" while riding someone's ass.
I actually called the cops on a truck driver who flashed his lights at me and attempted to ram me because I decided to go the speed limit. Long story short, that motherfucker doesn't work there anymore. There is no reason to ride someone's ass.
3. Stay off the phone. That's pretty simple. If you must use the phone, at least put it on speaker. I have a passenger handle that shit. It also saved my neck.
...just thought I'd like to pass that along.
---------------------------
Funny story.
Usually yelling swear words at drivers gets them to back off or at least pass you. A couple weeks ago, a woman on the cell phone in a nicely pressed van didn't seem to respond to "fuck." So I pulled out something original. I usually leave folks alone, but she was being an asshole.
I rolled out the window, and yelled: "YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" That seemed to work as she slowed down and hung up her little Iphone. In fact, it worked a lot better than "fuck." Shouting things which folks can't respond to usually gets best results.
"Stop touching yourself" is next.
---------------------------
So please... for the sake of all descent mamma-jamma's, try to drive a little better. Wherever you're going and whatever you're going to will still be there, I swear.
Save the close contact for the bedroom.
Cheers,
LB
When I visited California in Dec. '05, it was a new world. No cops and too many rich people... horrible driving conditions. Stop lights and turning signals did not exist. The speed limit seemed like a myth.
I came home, finding it easier to avoid bad things after driving in California. To be honest, West Virginia is a little better than CA. But...
...Super Bowl time last year I went to Southridge Shopping Center (the unfortunate social center of Charleston). I got smashed in the rear by one of the many chaotic fools on the road.
Fortunately, I was in the middle of a defensive driving course required for my job. I thought initially thought it was bullshit (like most of what the government thinks is good). But, I learned a few things which have saved my ass more than twice.
1. Slow the fuck down. There's no real reason to speed. I formerly was an extremely impatient fellow. Then I started to calm down and use the cruise control. The more I observed my fellow motorists, the more idiotic the roadways became.
Most people speed, and get pissed when they're stuck behind you when you don't speed. I drive at the speed limit, and folks still zip by me in absolute rage. There is no line, and people are in too much of a hurry. The NASCAR mentality may have something to do with this, but I believe most drivers are just impatient pricks.
2. Keep a good following distance. I do not tailgate. I will not tailgate. Fuckface who tailgated ran into my ass. If it means slowing down, do it. I've heard more than once that "I'm a good driver" while riding someone's ass.
I actually called the cops on a truck driver who flashed his lights at me and attempted to ram me because I decided to go the speed limit. Long story short, that motherfucker doesn't work there anymore. There is no reason to ride someone's ass.
3. Stay off the phone. That's pretty simple. If you must use the phone, at least put it on speaker. I have a passenger handle that shit. It also saved my neck.
...just thought I'd like to pass that along.
---------------------------
Funny story.
Usually yelling swear words at drivers gets them to back off or at least pass you. A couple weeks ago, a woman on the cell phone in a nicely pressed van didn't seem to respond to "fuck." So I pulled out something original. I usually leave folks alone, but she was being an asshole.
I rolled out the window, and yelled: "YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" That seemed to work as she slowed down and hung up her little Iphone. In fact, it worked a lot better than "fuck." Shouting things which folks can't respond to usually gets best results.
"Stop touching yourself" is next.
---------------------------
So please... for the sake of all descent mamma-jamma's, try to drive a little better. Wherever you're going and whatever you're going to will still be there, I swear.
Save the close contact for the bedroom.
Cheers,
LB
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Blogging New Moon: A Review
The following are thoughts from the movie “New Moon.” I’ve never reviewed in this style yet, so it’ll be entertaining. I read the book before the movie, and it was absolutely dreadful. Useful as toilet paper, but not much else. Do keep in mind that these books and films aren’t from the horror genre.
Spoilers ahead.
---------------------------------
“Let’s get it over with,” said Kristen after a meal from Bob Evans.
We went to see Twilight last year with the idea that it would be the worst movie ever. I’m expecting New Moon to blow.
I ask the chick who got our tickets if the actors look as stoned as they are in real life. She holds back a huge ferocious laugh.
----------------------
Sherlock Holmes! I wonder if anyone reads Conan Doyle anymore.
I see at least 26 iphones. Oi. Yuppies anonymous.
Ha! Alec Baldwin said “omg” in a trailer. Talk about reading the crowd.
-----------------------
Wow, Bella actually doesn’t look stoned.
Robert Pattison in slow-mo is ridiculous. I’m officially pissed off. Some girl in the front row wet herself apparently.
Edward looks like he has mudbutt. Maybe that’s why he’s so sad. Can sparklepires have mudbutt?
The music sucks.
Helllloooooo Ashley Greene.
I like the dude who plays Bella’s dad (Bill something). He seems to humanize things.
Wow, they actually gave the guy who played Emmitt Cullen a line.
Peter Facinelli needs more to do with his character.
Edward is leaving Bella. Did that dude sitting behind me start crying?
Bella looks stoned again. Maybe the intermittent drug use is for dramatic effect.
Kristen Stewart is doing a good job. Better than the first.
My wife has really nice hands. Oh yeah, a movie’s playing.
Laurent is not a bad part to play. Too bad he’s going to be dog food.
Awww, how cute! The werewolves make me want to adopt a puppy.
Bad CGI withstanding, the movement of the wolves is interesting.
They shaved Jacob Black’s hair. I guess the werewolves have some sort of de-fro’ ing ritual.
Werewolves don’t need shirts. They’re weatherproof.
Bella’s happy again now that she got her ass out of the house. Again, she looks less stoned.
Now she’s a danger junkie and addicted to speed (pun intended).
This music really does suck. They’ve lost the whiny guitar from the first movie that sounds like a cat taking a dump, but this is worse.
This movie is much better than the book (so was the first one).
Bella, doing a failed Superman impression, jumps into the water.
Ashley Greene’s back. Hallelujah.
Edward smashed his iphone. Good for him. The world needs less of them.
Something about Edward listening to country music and he wants to hang himself for it. I don’t blame him. Too much Conway Twitty can do that to a person.
Sparklepires are required by screenwriting law to drive fast.
Nice shot of the Italian festival.
Edward is shirtless again. Did that dude behind me gasp? As long as he keeps his hands to himself, we’re good.
I can already smell the perverts ready for Dakota Fanning. I guess Hugh Hefner will be buzzing her before long.
Hey look, it’s Colossus…
…and they still haven’t given him a line. I guess the X-Men people spread the word.
Michael Sheen looks like he’s having fun.
The Volturi’s eyes actually look disturbing. Good job.
Colossus smash!
Does the dude behind me realize this isn’t real?
Edward’s back, and he’s ready for pooty.
Another line for Emmitt Cullen. Up yours, Matrix!
Edward’s mad at his family. Somebody needs to give him a hug.
So if Bella gets hitched to Edward, will that at least make him cheer up?
------------------------
Not a bad movie. The filmmakers did a hell of a job considering the material. While Stephanie Meyer should be arrested for crimes against literature, the movies so far aren’t that bad. They’re worth watching.
Most of the actors did a nice job. Edward’s lines are weak, but Pattison did what he could. Kristen Stewart has improved greatly. The slow motion has got to go. Someone needs to get a grip on that. The music was flat out horrible and inappropriate. The supporting cast seems to steal the spotlight at times, and that really isn’t a bad thing. The movie is nice to look at.
I’m really surprised the filmmakers made this book watchable. Bonus point to Edward for smashing an iphone.
5/10.
Spoilers ahead.
---------------------------------
“Let’s get it over with,” said Kristen after a meal from Bob Evans.
We went to see Twilight last year with the idea that it would be the worst movie ever. I’m expecting New Moon to blow.
I ask the chick who got our tickets if the actors look as stoned as they are in real life. She holds back a huge ferocious laugh.
----------------------
Sherlock Holmes! I wonder if anyone reads Conan Doyle anymore.
I see at least 26 iphones. Oi. Yuppies anonymous.
Ha! Alec Baldwin said “omg” in a trailer. Talk about reading the crowd.
-----------------------
Wow, Bella actually doesn’t look stoned.
Robert Pattison in slow-mo is ridiculous. I’m officially pissed off. Some girl in the front row wet herself apparently.
Edward looks like he has mudbutt. Maybe that’s why he’s so sad. Can sparklepires have mudbutt?
The music sucks.
Helllloooooo Ashley Greene.
I like the dude who plays Bella’s dad (Bill something). He seems to humanize things.
Wow, they actually gave the guy who played Emmitt Cullen a line.
Peter Facinelli needs more to do with his character.
Edward is leaving Bella. Did that dude sitting behind me start crying?
Bella looks stoned again. Maybe the intermittent drug use is for dramatic effect.
Kristen Stewart is doing a good job. Better than the first.
My wife has really nice hands. Oh yeah, a movie’s playing.
Laurent is not a bad part to play. Too bad he’s going to be dog food.
Awww, how cute! The werewolves make me want to adopt a puppy.
Bad CGI withstanding, the movement of the wolves is interesting.
They shaved Jacob Black’s hair. I guess the werewolves have some sort of de-fro’ ing ritual.
Werewolves don’t need shirts. They’re weatherproof.
Bella’s happy again now that she got her ass out of the house. Again, she looks less stoned.
Now she’s a danger junkie and addicted to speed (pun intended).
This music really does suck. They’ve lost the whiny guitar from the first movie that sounds like a cat taking a dump, but this is worse.
This movie is much better than the book (so was the first one).
Bella, doing a failed Superman impression, jumps into the water.
Ashley Greene’s back. Hallelujah.
Edward smashed his iphone. Good for him. The world needs less of them.
Something about Edward listening to country music and he wants to hang himself for it. I don’t blame him. Too much Conway Twitty can do that to a person.
Sparklepires are required by screenwriting law to drive fast.
Nice shot of the Italian festival.
Edward is shirtless again. Did that dude behind me gasp? As long as he keeps his hands to himself, we’re good.
I can already smell the perverts ready for Dakota Fanning. I guess Hugh Hefner will be buzzing her before long.
Hey look, it’s Colossus…
…and they still haven’t given him a line. I guess the X-Men people spread the word.
Michael Sheen looks like he’s having fun.
The Volturi’s eyes actually look disturbing. Good job.
Colossus smash!
Does the dude behind me realize this isn’t real?
Edward’s back, and he’s ready for pooty.
Another line for Emmitt Cullen. Up yours, Matrix!
Edward’s mad at his family. Somebody needs to give him a hug.
So if Bella gets hitched to Edward, will that at least make him cheer up?
------------------------
Not a bad movie. The filmmakers did a hell of a job considering the material. While Stephanie Meyer should be arrested for crimes against literature, the movies so far aren’t that bad. They’re worth watching.
Most of the actors did a nice job. Edward’s lines are weak, but Pattison did what he could. Kristen Stewart has improved greatly. The slow motion has got to go. Someone needs to get a grip on that. The music was flat out horrible and inappropriate. The supporting cast seems to steal the spotlight at times, and that really isn’t a bad thing. The movie is nice to look at.
I’m really surprised the filmmakers made this book watchable. Bonus point to Edward for smashing an iphone.
5/10.
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