Blogging Eclipse

Today was one of those random days when nothing else was happening. We went to see Eclipse, no doubt influenced by its choice of directors. Again, we expect it to be shit... and hope for the best. The books are God-awful, so much so that I stopped reading after the second one (the absolute worst thing I've ever read). I'll be as honest as possible to better inform your spending decisions.

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- I see at least 30 Iphones. It's like the plague.
- Now I see 50.
- The sound is way too fucking loud.
- The Deathly Hallows trailer is awesome. I will be there opening night with proverbial bells on.

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- Texting during a film... how revolting. I wonder what vital, urgent matters are being discussed.

- A death, an early death at that. Could it be that there is some actual conflict in this film?

- Bella and Edward are again in a field. So they're hippies? However, they look a little less stoned than their usual flower-child sense. They must be Florida State fans.

- Wow, Robert and Kristen really aren't good actors. They're not Megan Fox, but certainly no award winners.

-The supporting characters are interesting, far more so than the main characters.

- Can we get some sort of petition to have Ashley Greene dance around in a cage?

- The back stories to the supporting characters give the story something it was missing.

- More death. David Slade's hand, no doubt.

- An infant cries. Why do people bring babies to the theater? Is that really in everyone's best interest?

- The Volturi are the laziest villains I've ever seen.

- Edward and Bella's dialogue is rough to listen to.

- Again, another nice back story for a supporting character.

- What's up with the Confederate soldier turned bad gone good routine?

- Nice shot overhead. Very 30 Days of Night.

- Bryce Dallas Howard is purdy. She should stay as a redhead.

- So Bella is the female Tiger Woods?
* Bella is prostituting her love between two men. Stephanie Meyer's unfulfilled sexual longings are really showing here... for the worst.

- Nice color; I like the greens and how they bleed against the black.

- Damn, Robert Pattinson should just shut up. We get it... you love Bella, and you're mad because you ruined your phone in the last movie.

- I wonder if there's an application that allows some of these irritating texters to text while they screw. I'm being mean, but this is ridiculous.

- This is the most unrealistic love triangle I've ever seen. I understand the nature of fantasy, and the relationships do fantasy injustice. Stephanie Meyer has no shame.

- Special effects? Meh.

- These wolves are cute. I want one. By the way, these aren't werewolves or vampires... they're shape-shifters. Vampires do not sparkle. Only Dracula can hang in the sun and not roast. So, no go.

- Kristen just told me that she knows who started the emo-army... Rick James. I struggle to hold in my laughter.

- Bella just kissed Jacob. 2:1 odds he gets killed.

- Bryce Dallas Howard has nowhere near the screen time she deserves.

- Hey look, Jacob got hurt.

- The Volturi are talkers. They remind me of my Dad.

- Roll credits.

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Final thoughts: skip the horrible books, for the sake of your children. This is the best of the third movies, but it really isn't great. It's not scary, nor is it classified as a horror film. It's not a love story, either, because Robert and Kristen have reached their limit as actors. If David Slade can't bring it out of them... there's not much hope. This film franchise should be classified as art films... nothing more.

The supporting characters run the movie. Bryce Dallas Howard isn't on screen enough to matter. However, there is actual conflict in this go. There are nice shots, good color, and thoughtful sound editing. The direction is good, but there's not much to work with. There are deaths, violence, and some descent sets.

The love story went from promising in the first film to flat-out awful in the third film. It's really bad. Big, big props to David Slade for making this watchable. It's the best film of the bunch, by far. See it. prepare for it to suck, and you'll end up satisfied.

7/10 (bonus to Slade).